Is there any chance that anyone hasn't seen this yet?
This is in the off chance that you haven't. Also, it's always good for a review.
definitely not safe for work..
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Craig's State
I know you're all wondering if Craig's alright -- whether he'll be resigned to a seeing eye dog for the rest of his life, or if he can see you right now. Well, I have to admit that I have no idea. See, I do care, but I had to move my girlfriends crap out of her old apartment with her last night, and then i had to do some celebratory drinking. I'm sure he'll appreciate our calls -- I plan on contact later this evening. Who's with me!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Photorefractive Keratectomy
Hi!
Craig should be well under the photonic "knife" by now. In his honor, and for lack of something better to discuss (how do you follow such impeccable journalism as "Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!"?), I think I'll dwell on the PRK eye surgery procedure.
In short, a doctor shoots a laser into your eye and burns stuff away which then heals in a fashion more amenable to actually seeing. The coolest part of this operation is the way in which the laser removes pieces of the cornea. First of all, who knows what laser stands for? That's right! Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation! I'll skip over the various wonders of lasers, and the semiconductor glory that quantum theory has revealed (which, as a semiconductor engineer is.. difficult..), and get straight to the corneal ablation.
The ultraviolet laser excites tissue and fluid packets in the cornea, heating the material to the point where it literally explodes off the surface of Craig's eye, albeit at a very small scale. Totally awesome.
Incidentally, the ablation process is the basis for an experimental armor set for tanks and other large military things. When an incoming projectile is detected, the armor literally explodes, or ablates, which ideally deflects or prematurely detonates whatever triggered the response. I have a proposal for the inevitable warning sign: "no sudden movements"?
Craig should be well under the photonic "knife" by now. In his honor, and for lack of something better to discuss (how do you follow such impeccable journalism as "Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!"?), I think I'll dwell on the PRK eye surgery procedure.
In short, a doctor shoots a laser into your eye and burns stuff away which then heals in a fashion more amenable to actually seeing. The coolest part of this operation is the way in which the laser removes pieces of the cornea. First of all, who knows what laser stands for? That's right! Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation! I'll skip over the various wonders of lasers, and the semiconductor glory that quantum theory has revealed (which, as a semiconductor engineer is.. difficult..), and get straight to the corneal ablation.
The ultraviolet laser excites tissue and fluid packets in the cornea, heating the material to the point where it literally explodes off the surface of Craig's eye, albeit at a very small scale. Totally awesome.
Incidentally, the ablation process is the basis for an experimental armor set for tanks and other large military things. When an incoming projectile is detected, the armor literally explodes, or ablates, which ideally deflects or prematurely detonates whatever triggered the response. I have a proposal for the inevitable warning sign: "no sudden movements"?
Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!
The rumors are true: the "Butterscotch Stallion" tried to commit suicide!How is it possible that a man like Owen Wilson, whose charms, money, and fame could land him any woman in the world, is depressed enough to commit suicide? Is it his nose? If you said his nose, okay, maybe that is reason enough...
But lets forget his squiggly schnoz for a minute and re-pose the question: what does it take for a man to be happy?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
All
I decided to add my good buddy Marsh as a co-author of "The New Sun." Marsh will be great addition to the blog, I am sure. I only ask that you not find him more amusing than myself...
Tomorrow I get put down by the laser... so be kind to him while I am gone.
There is also a mystery author who may join the blog eventually. We will see.
Tomorrow I get put down by the laser... so be kind to him while I am gone.
There is also a mystery author who may join the blog eventually. We will see.
Monday, August 27, 2007
PRK Lasik Surgery
Daily Readers:
I am fast approaching my PRK eye surgery date. Unfortunately, once my eyes go under the laser I will be forced to do nothing but sleep for approximately a week. This means I probably won't update my page until after Labor day. I know this may come as a great inconvenience to those of you with boring jobs-- but hopefully my amazing new eyesight will make for amazing new posts when I am back on my feet.
Anticipating my surgery, my parents came down to DC with their two pugs. Nothing emasculates a man faster than having to walk three Pugs four times a day. The whole "toy" dog breed is magnified exponentially when you have a throng of Pugs around you. My apartment is a sea of panting, eyes, and wrinkles.
I have prepared sunglasses, books on tape, and music for the occasion. But the idea of risking my eyes is a bit unnerving... and I am getting more nervous as the time approaches...
I will catch you all on the flip-side.
I am fast approaching my PRK eye surgery date. Unfortunately, once my eyes go under the laser I will be forced to do nothing but sleep for approximately a week. This means I probably won't update my page until after Labor day. I know this may come as a great inconvenience to those of you with boring jobs-- but hopefully my amazing new eyesight will make for amazing new posts when I am back on my feet.
Anticipating my surgery, my parents came down to DC with their two pugs. Nothing emasculates a man faster than having to walk three Pugs four times a day. The whole "toy" dog breed is magnified exponentially when you have a throng of Pugs around you. My apartment is a sea of panting, eyes, and wrinkles.
I have prepared sunglasses, books on tape, and music for the occasion. But the idea of risking my eyes is a bit unnerving... and I am getting more nervous as the time approaches...
I will catch you all on the flip-side.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Movie Review: Brick
Film Noir, like SciFi, is a fantastically under-appreciated genre. Tonight I watched an excellent noir film entitled "Brick."
The film begins with Brendon, a high school loner who is trying to track down the killer of his ex-girlfriend. I really enjoyed the cinematography of the film, which somehow elevates high school drama to previously untold heights. Each clique has its own unique vision, complex motivations, and secrets. Brendon, the protagonist, is forced to push his way into these bizarre worlds in an attempt to uncover the truth.
On top of great cinematography, the film has a unique dialogue of slang. The writers created a very stylish suburban dialect, like a white Ebonics . Although I guessed many of the twists before they were sprung, it was an excellent production, worthy of my recommendation.
Catch the Trailer here:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393109/trailers-screenplay-E28243-10-2
Grade: B+
The film begins with Brendon, a high school loner who is trying to track down the killer of his ex-girlfriend. I really enjoyed the cinematography of the film, which somehow elevates high school drama to previously untold heights. Each clique has its own unique vision, complex motivations, and secrets. Brendon, the protagonist, is forced to push his way into these bizarre worlds in an attempt to uncover the truth.
On top of great cinematography, the film has a unique dialogue of slang. The writers created a very stylish suburban dialect, like a white Ebonics . Although I guessed many of the twists before they were sprung, it was an excellent production, worthy of my recommendation.
Catch the Trailer here:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393109/trailers-screenplay-E28243-10-2
Grade: B+
Friday, August 24, 2007
Top Gun Support Group
top gun support group
Add to My Profile | More Videos
Maybe I should stop singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" as an introduction.... Nah!
Add to My Profile | More Videos
Maybe I should stop singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" as an introduction.... Nah!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
I bought an iPhone 30 hours ago, and I still haven't been able to activate. Urge to kill rising... rising...
Will update when mood improves.
Will update when mood improves.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
iCaved
The commercials were too powerful... The song too catchy... and the device too cool...
Today iCAVED and bought the iPHONE. Now I can blog from the road! hooray, we all win!
Speaking of indulgences that sound like the letter "i," I booked myself for laser eye surgery next week. Unfortunately, it is PRK surgery, which requires a much longer recovery time. I have to take a week off from work to sleep and suffer in pain, and I am not allowed to do physical activity for 2 weeks afterward! With PRK they actually reshape your cornea (hooray!) which takes a much longer to heal.
I have decided to put my faith in the power of science... and I am excited just to sleep a lot.
Today iCAVED and bought the iPHONE. Now I can blog from the road! hooray, we all win!
Speaking of indulgences that sound like the letter "i," I booked myself for laser eye surgery next week. Unfortunately, it is PRK surgery, which requires a much longer recovery time. I have to take a week off from work to sleep and suffer in pain, and I am not allowed to do physical activity for 2 weeks afterward! With PRK they actually reshape your cornea (hooray!) which takes a much longer to heal.
I have decided to put my faith in the power of science... and I am excited just to sleep a lot.
Mustache Update
I am getting a lot of great mustache suggestions... (http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/ - thanks Marsh)
unfortunately, the gay 90s mustache is tied for the lead. Please defend my honor and vote!
unfortunately, the gay 90s mustache is tied for the lead. Please defend my honor and vote!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico was a great trip. We stayed at the luxurious Ritz Carlton which had its own private beach. The ocean was warm, the people were friendly, and best of all the pool area had a bunch of stone lions.
One of the few complaints I have about the Ritz Carlton was the poolside bar. Somehow they positioned it such that the sand was constantly attacking me. The first afternoon we had lunch at the poolside bar, and sand kept blowing onto my $18 grilled cheese. Furthermore, there was a beach shower-head located directly up wind from our table. We didn't notice this until we felt a fine mist. Unfortunately, it wasn't just water hitting us, it was water ricocheting off an old man in a Speedo.
Although we were in one of the better parts of San Juan, there was a Cockfighting Coliseum just a block away from our hotel. This excited me. Whenever I am at an improv show and they ask for a suggestion, I always yell "cockfight!" (At DC's Improvapalooza, this suggestion turned out to be a hilarious double-entendre because the two actors on stage had been playing flagrantly gay characters when I yelled it from the crowd). The Cockfighting Arena was actually very classy from the outside, and I admit, against my better judgment that I was a little intrigued.
I would never condone animal abuse. But what if two cocks just happen to start fighting of their own free-will, who am I to intervene? Who am I to thwart nature? Who am I to deny a friendly wager from a mere passer-by? No... I didn't bet on any fights... but I did meet Michael Vick.
One of the few complaints I have about the Ritz Carlton was the poolside bar. Somehow they positioned it such that the sand was constantly attacking me. The first afternoon we had lunch at the poolside bar, and sand kept blowing onto my $18 grilled cheese. Furthermore, there was a beach shower-head located directly up wind from our table. We didn't notice this until we felt a fine mist. Unfortunately, it wasn't just water hitting us, it was water ricocheting off an old man in a Speedo.
Although we were in one of the better parts of San Juan, there was a Cockfighting Coliseum just a block away from our hotel. This excited me. Whenever I am at an improv show and they ask for a suggestion, I always yell "cockfight!" (At DC's Improvapalooza, this suggestion turned out to be a hilarious double-entendre because the two actors on stage had been playing flagrantly gay characters when I yelled it from the crowd). The Cockfighting Arena was actually very classy from the outside, and I admit, against my better judgment that I was a little intrigued.
I would never condone animal abuse. But what if two cocks just happen to start fighting of their own free-will, who am I to intervene? Who am I to thwart nature? Who am I to deny a friendly wager from a mere passer-by? No... I didn't bet on any fights... but I did meet Michael Vick.
Mustache Poll Update:
Twenty-four hours of the Mustache Poll are almost behind us...
...And there is an even split in votes. This is NOT helpful. Those of you who have not voted need to kick-in and break the tie.
...And there is an even split in votes. This is NOT helpful. Those of you who have not voted need to kick-in and break the tie.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Mustache Poll
The great mustache-off is on! I need you guys to tell me what mustache looks funniest. I am going to start a mustache poll shortly. Here are the pictures!
Gambler Mustache:
Chinese Mustache:
Colonel Mustache:
Spanish Mustache:
Gambler Mustache:
Chinese Mustache:
Colonel Mustache:
Spanish Mustache:
Mustache Search
I have decided that the best way for me to do stand-up is with a slight disguise. One of the key components of this disguise is a mustache. Thus, I began searching for the perfect mustache today.
My search for the perfect mustache brought me to a website that had approximately 10 dozen different mustaches- a virtual candy shop of facial hair. On the name alone, I was intrigued by the "gay 90s mustache." I lived through the 90s, and although I am not gay, I did not know that there was a particular decade-defining homosexual-upper-lip-accoutrement until I stumbled upon this costume website that states it in a brazen, callous, and utterly undeniable manner. It must be true.
I don't think this is the mustache for me... but I haven't made any final decisions....
Improv
I had a great scene at Improv tonight.
I played the obnoxious Bodybuilder who would not let the sweet older gym-owner lock up for the night.
Choice line:
-"It's getting late, and I really need to pick up my kids..."
"My pythons will 'ding' when it's time to go home."
Also funny: the loudest grunt ever heard by man as I did a military press.
I played the obnoxious Bodybuilder who would not let the sweet older gym-owner lock up for the night.
Choice line:
-"It's getting late, and I really need to pick up my kids..."
"My pythons will 'ding' when it's time to go home."
Also funny: the loudest grunt ever heard by man as I did a military press.
The Problem with Building too Many Houses
I visited a friend's new home in Tampa last weekend.
The place was beautiful but it had one of those weird half-way addresses. I had to follow directions to 1500 and a half Oak St. How degrading is it to be denied a whole number? I could see if you were a mouse, living in a wall between two real addresses, 1500 and a half would make sense.
But what happens to my friend if they add another house between him and his neighbor? Does he become 1500.3333333? Or worse, what if they turn it into a circular culdesac, and his address becomes a random sequence, like 3.1248...
The place was beautiful but it had one of those weird half-way addresses. I had to follow directions to 1500 and a half Oak St. How degrading is it to be denied a whole number? I could see if you were a mouse, living in a wall between two real addresses, 1500 and a half would make sense.
But what happens to my friend if they add another house between him and his neighbor? Does he become 1500.3333333? Or worse, what if they turn it into a circular culdesac, and his address becomes a random sequence, like 3.1248...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
What to do when...
Today a beggar asked me for money.
I kindly slowed down and explained to him that I already give to charity in the form of computer-idle-time cancer research.
I described how when I’m not using my computer, a screen-saver-like program auto-loads after a user-programmed period of time and connects to master server via the internet -- which for me is a high-speed cable connection-- to link up with other computers across the country in a giant hive-mind network to compute complex mathematical formulas that aid scientists at UC Berkeley understand cancer cell growth.
I further explained that I am often unaware of the good deeds I do, because I generally forget to turn my off my computer. After I finished, I was filled with warmth when I saw a deep appreciation develop in the homeless man's eyes, like sharp daggers of compassion, and the unabashed joy manifest in his clenched teeth and fists.
Seeing his jovial mood I couldn't help but joke that I should be asking him for money to buy me a new laptop.
I kindly slowed down and explained to him that I already give to charity in the form of computer-idle-time cancer research.
I described how when I’m not using my computer, a screen-saver-like program auto-loads after a user-programmed period of time and connects to master server via the internet -- which for me is a high-speed cable connection-- to link up with other computers across the country in a giant hive-mind network to compute complex mathematical formulas that aid scientists at UC Berkeley understand cancer cell growth.
I further explained that I am often unaware of the good deeds I do, because I generally forget to turn my off my computer. After I finished, I was filled with warmth when I saw a deep appreciation develop in the homeless man's eyes, like sharp daggers of compassion, and the unabashed joy manifest in his clenched teeth and fists.
Seeing his jovial mood I couldn't help but joke that I should be asking him for money to buy me a new laptop.
Back in DC
Just got home from 10 days of travel... hopefully I didn't lose all of my readers in the process. I plan to continue my daily updates now that I am back. I will try and post pictures of Puerto Rico and Florida soon.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Myspace Stalker who isn't Me.
About a week ago, I received a very unusual email on myspace.com. A stranger who went to Cornell sent me an email professing his love for this girl I barely know on myspace. The three-page email is a virtual stalker's manifesto of why this "nice guy" (his words) would be great for her.
Here are some snippets:
"I need your help. I'm John (name changed to protect identity of stalker), a really great straight single guy, fun and outgoing guy, and I believe I am a great date."
---Talk about a great intro...
"No worries, it's not you I'm trying to pick up... I try to treat women well, with respect, and sometimes I try really hard to date the one I want to date, but it's not been easy for me to ask her out when I've met her online."
---I admit to being a little hurt at this point. I thought he was my stalker.
"Some guys can understand, how it's not always easy to ask a woman of your dreams out, whereas others are really good at it. I am asking for your help if you can help me with a woman who I have been friends with online for 3 years (time flies), and she is on your Myspace friends list. Her name is Jane (name changed to protect the innocent), she's a great woman, and I believe that she is very capable of going on a date with me and able to set aside the time for a successful, smart, hardworking man who is interested in dating her."
---I am completely sympathetic
Admittedly so, I have asked her out previously, but have not successfully had the opportunity to date her. I've sent her emails and try to let her know that I'm a great guy to date, that I like to have fun, and I offered to take her to concerts, a cup of coffee, and more. I'm confident I can date her, and my goal is to date her successfully, as I really liked her as a person, her confidence, her belief in me as a person, and thought she would be a fun person to date.
---Alarm Bells!
----
What boggles me the most is that I barely know this girl-- and I am just one of 400 friends on her profile. I can't imagine that this guy actually canvassed her entire friends list with this ridiculously long email-- but if he did, and he is serious-- it is possibly the saddest display of stalkerdom, since my blog post in July, explaining my own myspace accident.
Here are some snippets:
"I need your help. I'm John (name changed to protect identity of stalker), a really great straight single guy, fun and outgoing guy, and I believe I am a great date."
---Talk about a great intro...
"No worries, it's not you I'm trying to pick up... I try to treat women well, with respect, and sometimes I try really hard to date the one I want to date, but it's not been easy for me to ask her out when I've met her online."
---I admit to being a little hurt at this point. I thought he was my stalker.
"Some guys can understand, how it's not always easy to ask a woman of your dreams out, whereas others are really good at it. I am asking for your help if you can help me with a woman who I have been friends with online for 3 years (time flies), and she is on your Myspace friends list. Her name is Jane (name changed to protect the innocent), she's a great woman, and I believe that she is very capable of going on a date with me and able to set aside the time for a successful, smart, hardworking man who is interested in dating her."
---I am completely sympathetic
Admittedly so, I have asked her out previously, but have not successfully had the opportunity to date her. I've sent her emails and try to let her know that I'm a great guy to date, that I like to have fun, and I offered to take her to concerts, a cup of coffee, and more. I'm confident I can date her, and my goal is to date her successfully, as I really liked her as a person, her confidence, her belief in me as a person, and thought she would be a fun person to date.
---Alarm Bells!
----
What boggles me the most is that I barely know this girl-- and I am just one of 400 friends on her profile. I can't imagine that this guy actually canvassed her entire friends list with this ridiculously long email-- but if he did, and he is serious-- it is possibly the saddest display of stalkerdom, since my blog post in July, explaining my own myspace accident.
Monday, August 13, 2007
In Puerto Rico
Arrived in Puerto Rico today. It is beautiful here. The sand here is so fine that the wind blew it straight into my face, drink, and lunch all afternoon.
I will try to find time to make some posts this week, but it isn't a promise. For some reason my blog is all in spanish down here, it's a bit crazy.
Allegedly there is some irridescent algae that glows at night time. Hopefully I will get some good pictures for everyone before the trip ends...
I will try to find time to make some posts this week, but it isn't a promise. For some reason my blog is all in spanish down here, it's a bit crazy.
Allegedly there is some irridescent algae that glows at night time. Hopefully I will get some good pictures for everyone before the trip ends...
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Flight of the Conchords
Arrived in NYC about 2 hours ago. Met a nice lady on the bus who told me why I should be watching "Flight of the Conchords." Perhaps she is right, the clips I found were funny. Also, anyone in NY available for dinner?
The fabulous wealth of a website blogger...
Many of you have sent me emails and comments over the last few weeks asking how much do I get paid to blog. Rather than answer you each individually, with a nice personal touch, I have opted to just post the results of three weeks of running a blog.
First, as an overview, the website has 403 Page impressions. I don't know what that means, but i think it implies the total amount of times my page has been loaded (not to be confused with unique people coming to see my blog). The total number of unique visitors (218-- "unique "begins anew each day) is tallied at the bottom of my page. This means I visit my page twice as much as everyone else combined.
Of those of you who visit, two of you have clicked on the advertisements. This generated 27 cents. One person searched on the google bar at the bottom of my page, but they did not click the advertiser link (no moolah). Four people clicked on the Google pack link, but did not actually download it (nada).
So in total: $0.27 + $0 + $0 = $0.27
Divide by three weeks at about an hour or two a day and essentially I am getting paid about half a cent an hour. But I do it for the love... obviously.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Quote of the Day
"I had this book of nude photos of 90-year-olds, and it was scarier than any horror movie I’ve ever seen."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/movies/05mcgr.html
Really? Where can I get one of those?
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/movies/05mcgr.html
Really? Where can I get one of those?
Movie Review: Fearless
Did I mention I watch a lot of movies? Well, I do. I got Blockbuster's Total-Access plan, and now I am drowning in films.
The latest of these films was Jet Li's Fearless. Fearless is a Kung-Fu movie set in China with the premise that one Chinese man has the guts to fight the world's four best fighters in a tournament. The film, like most Kung-Fu movies, suffers from horrible bouts of over-acting. Happiness is depicted by belly-shaking laughter, sadness is depicted by hysterical crying, and introspection is subtlety conveyed by grabbing one's chin and saying "hmmm."
This is a small gripe, however, because no one watches Kung-Fu movie for the dramatic sequences. Fearless delivers in the more important action category, with some pretty awesome fight scenes. However, I have always had a personal gripe with Jet Li's voice- it is high-pitched and squeaky (not heroish)- which has ruined several of his roles. No matter how big of a badass you are, a really high-pitched voice is going to make people laugh at you (IE. Mike Tyson). Perhaps, that is why American Jet Li films wisely choose to make him a silent character.
Overall Grade: B
The latest of these films was Jet Li's Fearless. Fearless is a Kung-Fu movie set in China with the premise that one Chinese man has the guts to fight the world's four best fighters in a tournament. The film, like most Kung-Fu movies, suffers from horrible bouts of over-acting. Happiness is depicted by belly-shaking laughter, sadness is depicted by hysterical crying, and introspection is subtlety conveyed by grabbing one's chin and saying "hmmm."
This is a small gripe, however, because no one watches Kung-Fu movie for the dramatic sequences. Fearless delivers in the more important action category, with some pretty awesome fight scenes. However, I have always had a personal gripe with Jet Li's voice- it is high-pitched and squeaky (not heroish)- which has ruined several of his roles. No matter how big of a badass you are, a really high-pitched voice is going to make people laugh at you (IE. Mike Tyson). Perhaps, that is why American Jet Li films wisely choose to make him a silent character.
Overall Grade: B
Vacation Imminent
Superfans:
I leave for NYC again this weekend for Stand-up comedy training. Then I return and fly to Puerto Rico for a 5 day vacation. When I return, I will immediately catch a flight to Tampa to go to a wedding.
Henceforth, the blog might suffer a hiccup or two over the next week.
Be forgiving...
I leave for NYC again this weekend for Stand-up comedy training. Then I return and fly to Puerto Rico for a 5 day vacation. When I return, I will immediately catch a flight to Tampa to go to a wedding.
Henceforth, the blog might suffer a hiccup or two over the next week.
Be forgiving...
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Personal Department
The CURSE of the CARNEY TOE! (to be said loudly like a pirate talking about a cursed treasure)
(I am madly in love with the title of this blog entry. It is reminiscent of a Nancy Drew Story-- which I never read, mind you-- but I did read books about The Hardy Boys and they had chapters with weird names too. I am going with Nancy Drew because the title has a subtle effeminate quality)
Today it was approximately 100 degrees with approximately 100 percent humidity. If you have never felt weather like that, rejoice. It literally and figuratively feels like hell. As I walked Puggie today, dogs and small children burst into flames all-around me-- even before I could shoot them with my flamethrower.
Another side effect of the heat is that everyone is wearing shorts and flip-flops, including my girlfriend. However, despite seeing my girlfriend in flip-flops almost every day for as long as I can remember, I never noticed the fact that she suffers from THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY TOE (loud! like a pirate!) .
What do I mean by this? Well, her toe is bizarrely small, like it belongs on the foot of a Carney. Am I being cruel? No, just honest. But the cruelest irony of all is that one of my girlfriend's closest friends has THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY HANDS (also like a pirate!), and my girlfriend loves to talk about her friend's problem. For my girlfriend, it is a verbal trump card.
Sample Conversation:
Friend of Girlfriend: "Hey Heather!"
Girlfriend: "Hey Carney Hands!"
This was all well and good for my girlfriend until today-- the day I discovered her Achilles toe.
See for yourself!
(If you are blind, the Carney Toe is the middle-one)
(I am madly in love with the title of this blog entry. It is reminiscent of a Nancy Drew Story-- which I never read, mind you-- but I did read books about The Hardy Boys and they had chapters with weird names too. I am going with Nancy Drew because the title has a subtle effeminate quality)
Today it was approximately 100 degrees with approximately 100 percent humidity. If you have never felt weather like that, rejoice. It literally and figuratively feels like hell. As I walked Puggie today, dogs and small children burst into flames all-around me-- even before I could shoot them with my flamethrower.
Another side effect of the heat is that everyone is wearing shorts and flip-flops, including my girlfriend. However, despite seeing my girlfriend in flip-flops almost every day for as long as I can remember, I never noticed the fact that she suffers from THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY TOE (loud! like a pirate!) .
What do I mean by this? Well, her toe is bizarrely small, like it belongs on the foot of a Carney. Am I being cruel? No, just honest. But the cruelest irony of all is that one of my girlfriend's closest friends has THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY HANDS (also like a pirate!), and my girlfriend loves to talk about her friend's problem. For my girlfriend, it is a verbal trump card.
Sample Conversation:
Friend of Girlfriend: "Hey Heather!"
Girlfriend: "Hey Carney Hands!"
This was all well and good for my girlfriend until today-- the day I discovered her Achilles toe.
See for yourself!
(If you are blind, the Carney Toe is the middle-one)
Sci-Fi. The Greatest Genre of All...
I watched a decent Sci-fi film called Equilibrium tonight. The film places Christian Bale (Batman Begins, American Psycho) in the role of an elite Government Agent who tracks down lawbreakers and kills them executioner style. Unfortunately, in this world of the future, it is illegal to have feelings. If, for instance, someone lamented killing a firefly because it was a pretty glow-bug, they would be shot in the face. Emotions are regulated by drugs that the government forces the masses to take. Things get interesting when Christian Bale's character forgets to take his emotion suppressors and then he is put in a position where he has to kill an innocent puppy... (cliffhanger!)
Allow me to digress for a moment to say that I love Sci-Fi films. Sci-Fi is a fantastic and wholly under-appreciated genre. No matter how far-fetched the plot, every good Sci-Fi film makes you consider that you-- as a mere mortal within the gigantic cog of humankind-- have no idea where the human race will be in a couple hundred years.
Back to the movie:
Equilibrium was a good flick, but it borrowed heavily from the Matrix, which had superior production. Had Equilibrium been released a few years before the Matrix, it probably would have been a huge box office hit. As it stands, it is relatively unknown flick which seems to copy the action sequences and costumes without surpassing them. However, if you like Sci-fi films and have free time on your hands, I say go for it.
Overall Grade: B minus (on a scale that includes A+++)
Allow me to digress for a moment to say that I love Sci-Fi films. Sci-Fi is a fantastic and wholly under-appreciated genre. No matter how far-fetched the plot, every good Sci-Fi film makes you consider that you-- as a mere mortal within the gigantic cog of humankind-- have no idea where the human race will be in a couple hundred years.
Back to the movie:
Equilibrium was a good flick, but it borrowed heavily from the Matrix, which had superior production. Had Equilibrium been released a few years before the Matrix, it probably would have been a huge box office hit. As it stands, it is relatively unknown flick which seems to copy the action sequences and costumes without surpassing them. However, if you like Sci-fi films and have free time on your hands, I say go for it.
Overall Grade: B minus (on a scale that includes A+++)
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Bunny Embarrasses Falcon
This is the feel good movie of the summer. This insanely agile bunny totally out maneuvers this hunting falcon. Enjoy!
Via: VideoSift
Via: VideoSift
Monday, August 6, 2007
Illumination
I spent my day off recovering from the trip to NYC, and catching up with Puggie.
While Puggie napped on the couch (as he is doing right now) I noticed a brown insect with wings land on the wall beside me. I movedy slowly to get a piece of mail, and crept upon it. I crushed it quickly, and to my surprise it exploded unleashing bright flames across the wall-- the bright organs of firefly.
I felt guilt at killing something beautiful, and moreover, not recognizing its beauty until it was too late. It is a curious thing what humans attach value to. I don't see why any human, including myself, should logically feel guilt at killing an insignificant bug...
...But no one said we were logical.
While Puggie napped on the couch (as he is doing right now) I noticed a brown insect with wings land on the wall beside me. I movedy slowly to get a piece of mail, and crept upon it. I crushed it quickly, and to my surprise it exploded unleashing bright flames across the wall-- the bright organs of firefly.
I felt guilt at killing something beautiful, and moreover, not recognizing its beauty until it was too late. It is a curious thing what humans attach value to. I don't see why any human, including myself, should logically feel guilt at killing an insignificant bug...
...But no one said we were logical.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
The New Sun is climbing to the top
I googled "thenewsun" and for the first time ever, my little blog page popped up as the number one hit...
... On the second page.
... On the second page.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
O.J. Simpson Interview
Anyone catch the O.J. Simpson interview the other day? The people who called in to ask questions were quite humorous...
http://view.break.com/341923 - Watch more free videos
http://view.break.com/341923 - Watch more free videos
Friday, August 3, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Shark Week
It's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. I wouldn't know this, but someone who I work with decided it was worth talking about for five hours today.
Admittedly, sharks are interesting creatures, and who hasn't stayed up late wondering what sharks don't enjoy eating?
This particular experiment was conducted by trial and error. Sharks were lured towards a fishing boat with an special shark appetizer, and then they were fed turkeys, cauliflower, and African children, and asked to score what food they preferred most.
This kind of experiment begs several questions, like: who who wouldn't enjoy eating African Children most?
Admittedly, sharks are interesting creatures, and who hasn't stayed up late wondering what sharks don't enjoy eating?
This particular experiment was conducted by trial and error. Sharks were lured towards a fishing boat with an special shark appetizer, and then they were fed turkeys, cauliflower, and African children, and asked to score what food they preferred most.
This kind of experiment begs several questions, like: who who wouldn't enjoy eating African Children most?
Personal Department
In honor of whoever voted for more personal stories:
Last night I dragged myself downtown to attend the Improv's monthly happy hour despite being overworked and underslept. I am glad I did. The guys I met had a great attitude, plus the bar's jukebox had Asia's perennial hit "Heat of the Moment."
I was particulary impressed by the guy with the "just do it" attitude who told me to get out there and start performing stand-up ASAP. "Do 100 open-mic nights and you will see what you are made of..." It could have been just talk, but when he abandoned me mid-sentence to run outside the bar and chase down a blonde for her number, it occurred to me that maybe I could be more brazen with my stand-up career...
Last night I dragged myself downtown to attend the Improv's monthly happy hour despite being overworked and underslept. I am glad I did. The guys I met had a great attitude, plus the bar's jukebox had Asia's perennial hit "Heat of the Moment."
I was particulary impressed by the guy with the "just do it" attitude who told me to get out there and start performing stand-up ASAP. "Do 100 open-mic nights and you will see what you are made of..." It could have been just talk, but when he abandoned me mid-sentence to run outside the bar and chase down a blonde for her number, it occurred to me that maybe I could be more brazen with my stand-up career...
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Personal Department
Strong Enough for a man, Screw who it is pH balanced for...
I ran out of deodorant the other day, so I decided to use my gilfriend's "Dry Idea" (which has a neutral scent, mind you). It did it's job so well that I decided to use it all week without her permission.
I feel refreshingly neutral.
I ran out of deodorant the other day, so I decided to use my gilfriend's "Dry Idea" (which has a neutral scent, mind you). It did it's job so well that I decided to use it all week without her permission.
I feel refreshingly neutral.
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