My Pug eats lesser Pugs

I may have to get a new iphone today (the phone function is giving me problems). As a result I am backing up all my pictures, and I came across this gem.

To My Friends: Why You Always Need to Join me on Adventures

The next time you decide to skip out on an adventure... think about these figures.

-The average male lives 28,251 days.
-If you live to 100, you only live about 36,500 days.
-3,650 of these days are in your twenties.
-If you are 27, like me, you have about 1000 days left in your twenties.
-Are the chances better or worse that as you get older you will be more likely to embark on adventures?
-Are chances better or worse that you will have more responsibilities and less freedom when you are 30+?

Just some questions to ask yourself.

The case of the $200 T-Shirt

About a week ago I discovered this amazing $218 tattoo T-shirt that I really, really want, and probably intend to purchase.

However, I realize that if I make this purchase, I will no longer be classified has a rational human being.

-First, I have never purchased a t-shirt that cost more than $30.
-Second, the t-shirt is decadent. I would have to steel myself for glances and remarks everytime I put it on. (However, I don't think I would have a problem with this.)
-Third, $218!!!

The other kicker, is that no one except my brother thinks the shirt looks good. However, this has yet to deter me either. Actually, let me digress a moment and say that I am still deciding between two t-shirts.


So I have two questions for you:
-Am I crazy?
-Which T-shirt is better (top or bottom)?

Check out www.yellowman.com for more t-shirt details.

SURPRISE California!

Without giving my parents any notice last week, I bought a plane ticket and flew to my parents house in California. I conspired with my brother who picked me up at the BART station and snuck me into the house.

My parents came into our kitchen to see what my brother was up to when I casually walked by them and said hello. SURPRISE!

Here were there facial expressions:

Mom

Dad

Yay. I am a good person.

Virgin America

I just flew Virgin America a few days ago. If you didn't know, Virgin offers each passenger live tv, movies, music, video games and online chat with other passengers. Each seat has a little remote control which doubles as a keyboard and video game controller.

Someday in the near future Virgin promises to have live internet connections so that people can email, chat, and browse "The New Sun." Hooray for technology.

From my perspective though, the video games were all horrible, and the free movies were completely unwatchable. Being able to browse through Virgin's music collection was cool though.

Thought of the Day

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.
Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Army Strong

I went to a bar last night with some military friends, and conducted an informal survey about what is sexier to women: a guy who plays guitar, or a guy in the United States Marine Corps.

I was shocked to learn that out of the 16 women polled, only one woman said the Marine Corps. Granted, this is a small sample size (and women may have inferred that I was the guitar player [albeit a very poor one]). I thought society, and women in particular, would have more gratitude for the men in uniform who lay it all on the line.

In tribute to them, I am posting this awesome Army video. Hopefully it will have an effect on you, and in the future you will find me--the untalented guitar player-- less attractive.

Bloodsport

The seminal film "Bloodsport" was on TV the other day. It reminded me of how much I used to admire Jean Claude Van Damme when I was little.

Without Van Damme in my life, I probably never would have taken up the martial arts, or honed a rapier sharp wit, or developed a closet cocaine habit.*

Anyhow, on this particular viewing of Bloodsport, I was particularly attracted to the monkey kung-fu style (for the uninitiated, this is the style where you just crouch and jump around like you are actually a monkey) How come more people don't take up the monkey kung-fu? It seems to be relatively effective. The monkey guy made it to the third round before he was killed by a really strong sumo guy. In fact, if you are a monkey kung-fu instructor, I recommend you use this in your advertisements.

"Monkey Kung-Fu: It get's you to the third round of Bloodsport."


Also, what the hell is he doing in this picture?

---
*For potential employers, that was a joke. I do not in fact have a rapier wit OR a cocaine habit.

Hap-py Hannukah!

Hap-py Hannukah everybody!

My first, and only Hannukah present was the amazingly stylish "Hap!"

"What is a 'hap?'" you ask. Well a hap is what happens when a cap and a hat love each other very much. The cap tells the hat he loves it, and gives it a ring, and if the hap accepts they begin a long engagement period. On their wedding night the cap inserts its bill into the hat, and nine months later (if the cap doesn't use protection) a "Hap" is born.

I must admit I have been a bit embarrassed to wear my "hap.' It is kind of a New Jersey style. Which, for those of you have never been to New Jersey, means it is not really a style at all.

But I decided to be brave, and I wore it the last few days. I may never be the same.

Long time no see, or type, or read.

Hey everybody... apologies for the month long hiatus. Anyone still reading the old blog?

I just returned from a couple week vacation to California. Had a great time catching up with my old friends and making some new ones. I also had the opportunity to take a few hikes in the hills around Mt. Diablo and Las Trampas.

Perhaps the most momentous part of my trip was that I pet a wild cow (pictured below). The conversation went like this:

Me: How now brown cow?
Cow: ...
Me: Can I pet you?
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am coming in close to pet you now...
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am real close now, don't hurt me.
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am about to pet you....
Cow: ...
(*Pet Pet*)
Me: Suck on that, bitch. I just pet you.



I also saw this awesome baby cow, which I believe is technically referred to as a calf. Check this picture out:




I also got into the spirit of geocaching... which for the uninitiated, involves using a GPS unit to track down little treasures (of no monetary value) that people hide all over the world. There is probably a geocache near you right now...

I also proved to myself that I am not completely without energy these days. My last night in California involved meeting up with my old friends Jordan and Tyler in SF, returning to Danville around 2AM to eat at Denny's with Kern, and then typing up powerpoint presentation from 4-8 AM, while virtual conferencing with my teammates in Washington who had already started work on the East Coast. Then I woke up at noon and went on an awesome hike to Eagle Peak on the Las Trampas ridge near my family's house. (Top picture for the view from the top).

Of course, after all this, I got home and was ridiculously ill. But it was worth it.

Bow Before the Master

Yes! On September 3oth I made a BOLD prediction; and this week it appears to have come true.

Two weeks ago, after watching the season premier of "The Office," I predicted that Andy would date Angela (see http://thenewsun.blogspot.com/2007/09/office-prediction.html) and after this week's episode, it seems obvious that it will only be a matter of time.

Admit it... you are impressed.

Clustr Map Update

According to the Clustr Maps (featured to the right), I am getting serious hits in India.

Nice...

Hello Indian people.

Internet Specials!

I don't normally post about internet savings. In fact, I never post about them. But yesterday I purchased a 42 inch HDTV (in 1080p) for a total of $870, and I am feeling pretty good about it. So I wanted to share the deal with the world.

First off, if you don't use the internet to search out deals on expensive items, you are missing out. The military invented the internet for three reasons: to improve communications, to save money on consumer items, and to find pornography. If you are only doing one of these things, you are not using the internet properly.

The internet hosts a range of "hot deal" websites. My favorites are slickdeals.net and fatwallet.com. (A friend of mine really likes woot.com because it is funny and has excellent value, but woot only sells one item a day, so it is kind of a crap shoot.) NOTE: the websites I have listed don't actually sell you things, they just show you coupons, and direct you to official deals online or at brick and mortar stores. They aren't a sketchy underground operation... well woot.com is, actually.

Anyway, if you are looking for an electronic gizmo, rather than going to your generic "best buy" or "circuit city" website, you should be going to one of these websites and searching the forums, because there are a fanatic group of nerds who are extremely thrifty, who spend hours combing the world for outstanding value. Then they post this stuff so everyone can benefit. Sometimes stores mistakenly post the wrong price for items on the internet, and this is when they get worked into a feeding frenzy and you will literally see thousands of posts on a given thread. Like, once I saw a really nice Sony HDTV that was listed for about a third of the retail price-- and nerds were literally screaming in all capitals in their posts. Yes-- I said ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! The nerve! (Stores don't always honor these postings, mind you.)

You will notice that the thrifty people have their own little language. They say things like "YMMV," meaning "your mileage may vary," and "B&M" meaning "Brick and Mortar," etc.

If something says "YMMV" it generally means that you probably have to try to use a coupon that technically is not supposed to be used on the particular item you want. For instance, I bought an HDTV and used a 12% off coupon that said "cannot be used for items on sale." The price of the TV I bought had just been lowered that day to $990 and had a tag on it that said "On Sale"... BUT was it really ON sale? Would the salesperson reject my coupon? Would the computer reject it?

This is the essence of YMMV. And in my case, I told the guy at Best Buy, "I have a coupon," he scanned it, and everything went fine. So if you want to try to get the TV i just got... here is the link (lucky for me, VA takes some weekends of from sales tax, and it happened to coincide with my purchase--take that other states!):
http://forums.slickdeals.net/showthread.php?t=624397&highlight=1080p+hdtv


I will leave you with a few parting tips:
1) Good deal websites allow users to "rate" the deal. This is key. Look for deals that have good ratings.
2) Search the forums! Using the keyword search. For instance "HDTV" if you are looking for that.. should turn up dozens of great deals going on right now.
3) Sometimes these deal websites will link to suspicious looking websites (this is rare). Don't buy from them, and don't send naked pics to them-- no matter how persistent they are.

"Youngblood" -- Best Movie Ever?

I didn't plan to stay up until 4AM, it just happened. It happened because of the mesmerizing power of a film. A film full of gravitas, well-developed characters, and perseverance. Yes, I am talking about the seminal film "Youngblood" starring Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze.

If you haven't seen the film, you've probably heard it bandied about it locker rooms, or in some impressive twist during a game of six degrees of separation. IF you have ever met a pro hockey player, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he said, "I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for that movie." The same is true of me-- its 0405AM and I wouldn't be on my computer writing about the power of 80s cinema if it weren't for a film called "Youngblood."

The story weaves an epic tale of a farmer's son who dreams of playing pro-hockey. I was a bit confused by this initially, because farms usually exist in warm climates, and hockey players exist in cold ones.... but if you put this small gripe aside, you have a gem of a film.

Rob Lowe is truly in peak form. His stints in Tommy Boy, The West Wing, and as a real-life adviser to Governor Schwarzenegger (why does one actor playing a politician hire another actor who plays an adviser?) do no justice to this powerful performance. I have never been a Rob Lowe fan, per se. But this movie changed me. I now see why he was cast in all those other roles. I am sure someone in the casting department said "that guy from Youngblood wants a part in [insert name of film/tv-show]?... [insert excited expletive] Yeah! We will take him!"

Patrick Swayze also turns in an outstanding performance. I always thought Dirty Dancing was the pinnacle of his acting career (followed closely by "Ghost," mind you), but now I know I was wrong. Very wrong.

See "Youngblood" immediately, if it is the last thing you do.

Also, quick-note: whoever did the Youngblood movie box cover (featured above) seems to have used a digital camera from the future. Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze look absolutely identical to their modern day selves.

Grade: A

Alex Smith and the case of the Crushed QB

49ers Update:

Why oh why did Alex Smith have to get obliterated last weekend? I thought he was going to carry us to the playoffs this season... now it looks like he might be out all year with a separated shoulder. The 49ers got crushed last weekend (only scored 3 points.)

It took me the first three weeks of the season to convince my girlfriend to pick up some 49er players in her $40 fantasy league (Yes, you heard it, my girlfriend plays in big money fantasy football league. Impressive, eh?) Guess who she picked up in week 4? Alex Smith.

After a horrible showing last weekend, the 9ers are last in passing yards, last in total yards, and 27th in points.

Perhaps she is responsible for this whole mess.

Lucky for me, I can also cheer for the Redskins...

New Blog Visitor Update

According to ClustrMaps someone visited my blog from Indonesia!! (or Malaysia-- it's hard to tell)

We are going global!

Voice Recognition Software

Before reading this post--- read the post below it. It won't make sense otherwise. Today I decided to try this service call "reQall." Essentially you dial it up by phone, leave a voice mail, then it converts your speech to text and emails it to you (among other features.) However, it does not work very well. I used "reQall" to remind myself of the shampoo story this morning. Look at the text version they sent me, and compare it to the blog below:

Dear Craig, this is what you have just added to reQall

Task

I miss shower this morning and it occurs to me that I am out of shampoo but my dark shampoo is been there so I started using the dark shampoo and whatever this time doesn't seen my eyes etc. Shampoo work and pretty good that works. Says, Wow you really smell pretty good, what shampoo you are wearing. I pointed like Pantene Pro-v, Denim wild. And then she asked so if could see the bottle so that she could get that for her boyfriend. So I am not sure, sure, sure, Denim wild and I am going to buy a bottle of Pantene pro-v, and if she finds out a crazy person.

The Price of Smelling Nice

I ran out of shampoo today.

And conspicuously, there it was-- my salvation-- a bottle of dog shampoo in the corner my shower. I looked over the ingredients. Pondered it. Proceeded.

It didn't cross my mind again until late in the afternoon, when an attractive young coworker was enchanted by the smell of my "Premium Tearless Puppy Shampoo."

Her: You smell nice. What shampoo do you use?
Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Pantene Pro-V.
Her: Really? I use Pantene. Yours smells different.
Me: (silent, shameful)
Her: What kind of pantene pro-v?
Me: The kind for regular hair? (spoken on the rising note of a question)
Her: Could you bring it in? I want my boyfriend to use it.
Me: Sure...

Then begins the morale quandary section of my day. Buy Pantene Pro-V for her, and continue using puppy tearless shampoo on myself? Buy Pantene, switch the puppy shampoo and pantene bottles? Honesty?

Obviously, not honesty.

Puggy Smalls

Yes, as Craig mentioned I did get the chance to visit DC over the weekend. Many events were thoroughly enjoyed, some more than the infamous Sanz improv (sanz humor?). Nothing, however, could match the chance to meet the Notorious P.U.G.

Puggy, I dedicate this link to you.
http://www.organicarmor.com/Products/Pets/index.htm

Clustr Map

Check out the glorious "Clustr Map" on the right hand side of the page. The map shows where people view the blog from.

The New Sun has very diverse readership, peppered across the US, and there is even a Swedish fan!

The Office: Prediction

One of these creatures is dead.
Just watched the premiere of the office, and I want to document to the world my powers of intuition by predicting the future.

So first off-- SPOILER ALERT.

In the first episode of the season Angela's cat "Sprinkles" dies, and it later comes to light that Dwight is responsible for the death. Naturally, Angela is mad at Dwight...

Now for the BOLD prediction:

Angela will start dating the annoying Cornellian Andy.

"Sometimes it’s just about the music of a conversation."


Go Big Red!

Horatio Sanz: Sans Humor

My old college buddy, and fellow blogger, Marsh is in town this weekend to visit his girlfriend. At my suggestion, and over his girlfriend's objection, we went to see Horatio Sanz do improv at a local theater...

Ouch. Way to make me look like an idiot, Horatio. I have never gone to a humor show that I thought was absolutely horrible until last night. At frequent intervals I was actually compelled to heckle the performers.

I suspect with a high level of confidence that Horatio and his friends got wasted before they went on stage. Half of what they said made no sense, most sentences contained ridiculously long awkward pauses, and the performers consistently talked over one another.

The only semi-entertaining part was that I got to yell my favorite improv activity suggestion: "COCKFIGHTING!"

Never see Horatio Sanz perform. And yet somehow I feel relatively confident that none of you would have seen him perform had I said nothing at all..

Change of Blog Name...

Ever since I started blogging on a whim, it has annoyed me that "The New Sun" doesn't google at number one. Sometimes it doesn't even "google" on page 1. This disturbs my fragile ego.

Perhaps this serves me right for stealing the name of a semi-famous science fiction trilogy (written by Gene Wolfe-- highly recommended. The series begins with "The Shadow of the Torturer." To date, I have never seen any other book or movie where the hero's occupation is torture.)

Anyhow... getting to my point. I am thinking about changing the name of the blog. In fact, I plan to just go ahead and do it. Naturally, this will change the web address, so there will be some minor inconvenience to you, the reader.

I will keep you updated.

Ahmadinejad Update

A couple of you posed thoughtful comments on my Ahmandinejad post. It seems that the university of Columbia rose to the occasion and put the President of Iran in his place. I think Columbia should be commended for its excellent handling of the controversial event. My concern was that they wouldn't challenge the President of Iran sufficiently, and in that regard I was quite mistaken.

I do wonder if the media backlash against the President of Columbia prompted him to rise to the occasion. Whatever the cause, he deserves praise....

Also-- did you see Ahmadinejad in the UN the next day? Man he was pissed...

President of Columbia University Introduces...

Take a few minutes to see this -- it's pretty good. I don't think Ahmadinejad liked his intro..

On a lighter note...

Ahmadinejad Takes Manhattan

If you watch the news you probably know that the President of Iran Mahmouhd Ahmadinejad is in NYC today to attend a UN conference. While he was in town, Columbia University thought it would be a good opportunity to snag a world leader to engage with students as a guest speaker. While on the surface, this may seem like a reasonable exchange of ideas-- it is not.

A political figure like Ahmadinejad is a incredibly divisive figure; he is a hate-monger whose ideas should not be invited to permeate our academic institutions unchallenged. By inviting him to speak at Columbia, we give his ideas more merit than they deserve. It is on par with inviting the leader of the Klu Klux Klan to share his ideas on the Aryan nation. His intentions are bad. His information is slanted. And worse still, his engagement with students is likely to gain him a modicum of support. State leaders are invariably charming and masters of information. Ahmadinejad will present himself as a moderate Islamic Leader, and some students will buy it.

An informative debate is only beneficial when the players involved respect the basic rule that they are not going to alter facts-- they use the facts to make subjective opinions and inferences. Political warfare, which Ahmadinejad is currently engaged in, does not respect this rule. Therefore, Ahmadinejad is not going to be engaged in a constructive dialog with students, it will merely be political theater. Columbia has a responsibility to moderate the lecture, and to contrast his words against his prior statements. (EDIT)

If a student leaves the lecture saying "He doesn't seem like that bad of a guy..." then Columbia has done a great disservice to its students. Ahmadinejad deserves to be challenged at every turn for his government's actions, inflammatory statements, and personal conduct.

In the last year alone, he has repeatedly called for the destruction of Israel and all its people. He has repeatedly denied the existence of the Holocaust. His government continues to sponsor terrorism both against our soldiers in Iraq, and against Israel. More troubling is that Iran continues to pursue nuclear weapons.

Ahmadinejad: Destruction of Israel



When the leader of a country calls for the destruction of another country and is currently seeking the capability to bring about such destruction-- we should take notice. Iran is a strategic enemy of the United States-- their leaders seek to undermine our mission in the Middle East through any means necessary. Ahmadinejad is venturing to the United States to engage in information warfare. Columbia University needs to challenge Ahmadinejad at every turn for his conduct. Ahmadinejad is a radical leader whose words may bring about Word War III. Columbia students have a large responsibltiy before them.

Ahmadinejad : Holocaust Denial

Quote of the Day

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. "
- Unknown

Talk Like a Pirate Day, arrr

Arr Maties. T'was talk like 'e pirate day today, ye rapscallions. I hope ye all seized the opportunity to bust out some "arrs" and some pirate-themed jokes. Like, per se, if ye coworker was wearing a preppy sweater, ye could say "nice arrrrgyle sweater, wench."

I did, fer certain. No foolins, I did.

Then me great parrot swooped down in a swoop of bright primary colors and attacked a man's eye for lookin' at me funny. Har har har. Now that was FUNNY.

I took the eyeball from me parrot and placed it on my left hook, and whenever some one said "aye, aye Captain," I would say that's not an "Aye, this in an EYE!" Then we'd laugh our pirate laughs, and dance our pirate jigs. And much drinkin, and pillaging, and triple-homicidin' was done.

Tis' true, I love the holiday season.

Disturbia and the case of the screaming girlfriend

Those of you who have met my girlfriend know that she is not quiet. But you may not know that she screams at the slightest provocation. Tonight we watched a movie called Disturbia. Needless to say it is a thriller, but my girlfriend screamed so loud and so frequently that I also started to scream. Soon we were lost in an endless cycle of screaming. I can only guess what the neighbors think.

Good movie though.

Still Standing.... Up

So, I haven't told you about my stand-up performance yet because it hasn't happened. First-- because I originally thought I was going to an open-mic for comedy, but it turned out to be a very serious poetry reading session.

Second, because the fall-back place canceled its Tuesday Open-mics (the nerve!) So here I am on Thursday, without having performed yet... after a grueling efforts to put together an act.

BoooOooooo.. No excuse of course. I should have just performed at the poetry hour...

PhD

Anyone here ever have to tell their bosses that they're tired of working at the company and are going to get a PhD? If you have, I would love to hear your advise on how to do it without sounding like a complete dick. Sure, it's the natural thing to do in my position, at least from my perspective. It's just hard when you were the first employee of the company, the entire group in its first iteration was fired and replaced (excluding me, of course), and you're certain that things won't go so well when you leave.

Also, I'm fairly sure that my boss will rain fire on one departing employee named Marshall -- EACH WEEK!!

I had to tell the founder of my company last night because I need his recommendation. I haven't told my supervisor yet. Not sure I want to bear a full year of being brushed aside (yep, I gave them a years notice... aren't I a good submissive employee?)

P.S. that's not me. But this person is the recipient of a whole lot of lobster-love. a whole lot..

Open Mic

Well, tonight is a big night. I have been working hard on a stand-up act for the last week. Thanks to those of you who have helped me hone my jokes. Your help was invaluable. I will try to record the open-mic session so I can share the experience. I am don't plan to post it on this page, as its distribution is something I want to keep down.

However, I do have a mustache and a cowboy hat to protect my identity. Your votes on the mustache were summarily tallied, and ignored. Why did you all vote "gay-90s"? C'mon!

I am not sure if I am going to use the disguise yet... You be the judge.*

*votes are subject to being ignored.

Two Random Thoughts

For some reason I want to argue two points that are completely unrelated, and really have no bearing on the world. If anyone wants to play point v. counterpoint here, I encourage it...

First: The bowl is superior to the plate.

I have no idea why we eat off of plates as much as we do. Bowls have walls, so less food is lost to the table, ground, and lap. Bowls can hold liquids, plates cannot. Bowls allow you to stack your food vertically, plates do not (safely).

Second: It's better to take out old library books than buy new ones.

Old library books are full of cool surprises. Sometimes you find love notes that were inadvertently left inside their pages, other times you find random lists of chores-- either way it is interesting. More importantly, old books often contain notes and highlights that tell you exactly where the important passages are. It saves you the effort of having to closely read a text if someone has already highlighted the key passages. Finally, they look more regal. Old hardcover books make you look like a distinguished gentleman, even if you only wear cargo shorts and flip flops. Also, according to a friend, they smell deliciously of sweat. I do not back this particular charge, but nonetheless, he is right about them having their own character and personalities in a way that new books do not.

Back to the blog

Okay, I have neglected ye' long enough...

Going to drop a few blogs today. For instance, I found that The New Sun Blog is featured on Technocrati.com! What is Technocrati? I have no idea, I only googled "The New Sun" and it came up. Just like I google my own name from time to time to see what my brethren are up to...
Anyhow, according to Technocrati , this blog is rated 2,585,283. So thank you all for your kind support. People always told me I would never make something out of myself, but now I can point to my blog rank, and show them who the real loser is.

Another interesting stat is that my blog is given an authority level of 2. I have no idea how they determine authority, but I am a bit offended by this low mark. My friend's blog "End the Cola Wars" has an authority of "10." Thus, I am a fifth as authoritative as him, despite my firm belief that I could beat him in a street fight.

Furthermore, I haven't posted the video of my eye getting lasered because the video is a whopping 500 megs and I am working on getting it converted. So you will all have to be patient.

Also-- anyone excited about the free UFC fight on spiketv tonight? Rampage Jackson is defending his belt against... some other guy. I don't really care who, I just like to watch guys punch each other.

Writing Again

My eyes are healing up nicely. I wrote some stand-up with my buddy Kern last night. I thought it was hilarious, but that seems to be subjective.

All the Ghost-authors are truly living up to their reputations-- no posts. Alas, I will get the ball rolling here shortly. I want to post my eye surgery exclusive video! Hooray!

Also, I have to make a small presentation on Federalism for my graduate class next Tuesday. Anyone? Federalism? Care to Wiki that for me?

Can I wing it? It's just Federal Government balancing with State Power right? National and regional interests intersecting in a complex see-saw that confuses normal people?

Okay time to put goo in my eye.

Blog Authors

A few more blog authors may be joining the blog soon...

I am still recovering from laser eye surgery so I can't stay on the computer long... it gives me double vision. More posts coming soon!

I am alive

I survived the surgery! Thank you all for thAt single
generous phone call I received, I'm doing ok. I have full video of the surgery for those of you with strong stomaches.

Washington

Is there any chance that anyone hasn't seen this yet?

This is in the off chance that you haven't. Also, it's always good for a review.


definitely not safe for work..

Craig's State

I know you're all wondering if Craig's alright -- whether he'll be resigned to a seeing eye dog for the rest of his life, or if he can see you right now. Well, I have to admit that I have no idea. See, I do care, but I had to move my girlfriends crap out of her old apartment with her last night, and then i had to do some celebratory drinking. I'm sure he'll appreciate our calls -- I plan on contact later this evening. Who's with me!

You son of a....

Why oh why did I have to read your first post before I left for the surgery....

Photorefractive Keratectomy

Hi!

Craig should be well under the photonic "knife" by now. In his honor, and for lack of something better to discuss (how do you follow such impeccable journalism as "Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!"?), I think I'll dwell on the PRK eye surgery procedure.

In short, a doctor shoots a laser into your eye and burns stuff away which then heals in a fashion more amenable to actually seeing. The coolest part of this operation is the way in which the laser removes pieces of the cornea. First of all, who knows what laser stands for? That's right! Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation! I'll skip over the various wonders of lasers, and the semiconductor glory that quantum theory has revealed (which, as a semiconductor engineer is.. difficult..), and get straight to the corneal ablation.
The ultraviolet laser excites tissue and fluid packets in the cornea, heating the material to the point where it literally explodes off the surface of Craig's eye, albeit at a very small scale. Totally awesome.
Incidentally, the ablation process is the basis for an experimental armor set for tanks and other large military things. When an incoming projectile is detected, the armor literally explodes, or ablates, which ideally deflects or prematurely detonates whatever triggered the response. I have a proposal for the inevitable warning sign: "no sudden movements"?

Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!

The rumors are true: the "Butterscotch Stallion" tried to commit suicide!

How is it possible that a man like Owen Wilson, whose charms, money, and fame could land him any woman in the world, is depressed enough to commit suicide? Is it his nose? If you said his nose, okay, maybe that is reason enough...

But lets forget his squiggly schnoz for a minute and re-pose the question: what does it take for a man to be happy?

All

I decided to add my good buddy Marsh as a co-author of "The New Sun." Marsh will be great addition to the blog, I am sure. I only ask that you not find him more amusing than myself...

Tomorrow I get put down by the laser... so be kind to him while I am gone.

There is also a mystery author who may join the blog eventually. We will see.

PRK Lasik Surgery

Daily Readers:

I am fast approaching my PRK eye surgery date. Unfortunately, once my eyes go under the laser I will be forced to do nothing but sleep for approximately a week. This means I probably won't update my page until after Labor day. I know this may come as a great inconvenience to those of you with boring jobs-- but hopefully my amazing new eyesight will make for amazing new posts when I am back on my feet.

Anticipating my surgery, my parents came down to DC with their two pugs. Nothing emasculates a man faster than having to walk three Pugs four times a day. The whole "toy" dog breed is magnified exponentially when you have a throng of Pugs around you. My apartment is a sea of panting, eyes, and wrinkles.

I have prepared sunglasses, books on tape, and music for the occasion. But the idea of risking my eyes is a bit unnerving... and I am getting more nervous as the time approaches...

I will catch you all on the flip-side.

Movie Review: Brick

Film Noir, like SciFi, is a fantastically under-appreciated genre. Tonight I watched an excellent noir film entitled "Brick."

The film begins with Brendon, a high school loner who is trying to track down the killer of his ex-girlfriend. I really enjoyed the cinematography of the film, which somehow elevates high school drama to previously untold heights. Each clique has its own unique vision, complex motivations, and secrets. Brendon, the protagonist, is forced to push his way into these bizarre worlds in an attempt to uncover the truth.

On top of great cinematography, the film has a unique dialogue of slang. The writers created a very stylish suburban dialect, like a white Ebonics . Although I guessed many of the twists before they were sprung, it was an excellent production, worthy of my recommendation.

Catch the Trailer here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393109/trailers-screenplay-E28243-10-2


Grade: B+

iPhone post!!

first iphone post! Yay!

Top Gun Support Group

top gun support group

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Maybe I should stop singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" as an introduction.... Nah!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I bought an iPhone 30 hours ago, and I still haven't been able to activate. Urge to kill rising... rising...

Will update when mood improves.

iCaved

The commercials were too powerful... The song too catchy... and the device too cool...

Today iCAVED and bought the iPHONE. Now I can blog from the road! hooray, we all win!

Speaking of indulgences that sound like the letter "i," I booked myself for laser eye surgery next week. Unfortunately, it is PRK surgery, which requires a much longer recovery time. I have to take a week off from work to sleep and suffer in pain, and I am not allowed to do physical activity for 2 weeks afterward! With PRK they actually reshape your cornea (hooray!) which takes a much longer to heal.

I have decided to put my faith in the power of science... and I am excited just to sleep a lot.

Mustache Update

I am getting a lot of great mustache suggestions... (http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/ - thanks Marsh)

unfortunately, the gay 90s mustache is tied for the lead. Please defend my honor and vote!

Puerto Rico

Puerto Rico was a great trip. We stayed at the luxurious Ritz Carlton which had its own private beach. The ocean was warm, the people were friendly, and best of all the pool area had a bunch of stone lions.

One of the few complaints I have about the Ritz Carlton was the poolside bar. Somehow they positioned it such that the sand was constantly attacking me. The first afternoon we had lunch at the poolside bar, and sand kept blowing onto my $18 grilled cheese. Furthermore, there was a beach shower-head located directly up wind from our table. We didn't notice this until we felt a fine mist. Unfortunately, it wasn't just water hitting us, it was water ricocheting off an old man in a Speedo.

Although we were in one of the better parts of San Juan, there was a Cockfighting Coliseum just a block away from our hotel. This excited me. Whenever I am at an improv show and they ask for a suggestion, I always yell "cockfight!" (At DC's Improvapalooza, this suggestion turned out to be a hilarious double-entendre because the two actors on stage had been playing flagrantly gay characters when I yelled it from the crowd). The Cockfighting Arena was actually very classy from the outside, and I admit, against my better judgment that I was a little intrigued.

I would never condone animal abuse. But what if two cocks just happen to start fighting of their own free-will, who am I to intervene? Who am I to thwart nature? Who am I to deny a friendly wager from a mere passer-by? No... I didn't bet on any fights... but I did meet Michael Vick.

Mustache Poll Update:

Twenty-four hours of the Mustache Poll are almost behind us...

...And there is an even split in votes. This is NOT helpful. Those of you who have not voted need to kick-in and break the tie.

Mustache Poll

The great mustache-off is on! I need you guys to tell me what mustache looks funniest. I am going to start a mustache poll shortly. Here are the pictures!


Gambler Mustache:




Chinese Mustache:




Colonel Mustache:



Spanish Mustache:

Mustache Search

I have decided that the best way for me to do stand-up is with a slight disguise. One of the key components of this disguise is a mustache. Thus, I began searching for the perfect mustache today.

My search for the perfect mustache brought me to a website that had approximately 10 dozen different mustaches- a virtual candy shop of facial hair. On the name alone, I was intrigued by the "gay 90s mustache." I lived through the 90s, and although I am not gay, I did not know that there was a particular decade-defining homosexual-upper-lip-accoutrement until I stumbled upon this costume website that states it in a brazen, callous, and utterly undeniable manner. It must be true.

I don't think this is the mustache for me... but I haven't made any final decisions....

Improv

I had a great scene at Improv tonight.

I played the obnoxious Bodybuilder who would not let the sweet older gym-owner lock up for the night.

Choice line:
-"It's getting late, and I really need to pick up my kids..."
"My pythons will 'ding' when it's time to go home."

Also funny: the loudest grunt ever heard by man as I did a military press.

The Problem with Building too Many Houses

I visited a friend's new home in Tampa last weekend.

The place was beautiful but it had one of those weird half-way addresses. I had to follow directions to 1500 and a half Oak St. How degrading is it to be denied a whole number? I could see if you were a mouse, living in a wall between two real addresses, 1500 and a half would make sense.

But what happens to my friend if they add another house between him and his neighbor? Does he become 1500.3333333? Or worse, what if they turn it into a circular culdesac, and his address becomes a random sequence, like 3.1248...

What to do when...

Today a beggar asked me for money.

I kindly slowed down and explained to him that I already give to charity in the form of computer-idle-time cancer research.

I described how when I’m not using my computer, a screen-saver-like program auto-loads after a user-programmed period of time and connects to master server via the internet -- which for me is a high-speed cable connection-- to link up with other computers across the country in a giant hive-mind network to compute complex mathematical formulas that aid scientists at UC Berkeley understand cancer cell growth.

I further explained that I am often unaware of the good deeds I do, because I generally forget to turn my off my computer. After I finished, I was filled with warmth when I saw a deep appreciation develop in the homeless man's eyes, like sharp daggers of compassion, and the unabashed joy manifest in his clenched teeth and fists.

Seeing his jovial mood I couldn't help but joke that I should be asking him for money to buy me a new laptop.

Back in DC

Just got home from 10 days of travel... hopefully I didn't lose all of my readers in the process. I plan to continue my daily updates now that I am back. I will try and post pictures of Puerto Rico and Florida soon.

Myspace Stalker who isn't Me.

About a week ago, I received a very unusual email on myspace.com. A stranger who went to Cornell sent me an email professing his love for this girl I barely know on myspace. The three-page email is a virtual stalker's manifesto of why this "nice guy" (his words) would be great for her.

Here are some snippets:

"I need your help. I'm John (name changed to protect identity of stalker), a really great straight single guy, fun and outgoing guy, and I believe I am a great date."

---Talk about a great intro...


"No worries, it's not you I'm trying to pick up... I try to treat women well, with respect, and sometimes I try really hard to date the one I want to date, but it's not been easy for me to ask her out when I've met her online."

---I admit to being a little hurt at this point. I thought he was my stalker.


"Some guys can understand, how it's not always easy to ask a woman of your dreams out, whereas others are really good at it. I am asking for your help if you can help me with a woman who I have been friends with online for 3 years (time flies), and she is on your Myspace friends list. Her name is Jane (name changed to protect the innocent), she's a great woman, and I believe that she is very capable of going on a date with me and able to set aside the time for a successful, smart, hardworking man who is interested in dating her."

---I am completely sympathetic

Admittedly so, I have asked her out previously, but have not successfully had the opportunity to date her. I've sent her emails and try to let her know that I'm a great guy to date, that I like to have fun, and I offered to take her to concerts, a cup of coffee, and more. I'm confident I can date her, and my goal is to date her successfully, as I really liked her as a person, her confidence, her belief in me as a person, and thought she would be a fun person to date.

---Alarm Bells!

----

What boggles me the most is that I barely know this girl-- and I am just one of 400 friends on her profile. I can't imagine that this guy actually canvassed her entire friends list with this ridiculously long email-- but if he did, and he is serious-- it is possibly the saddest display of stalkerdom, since my blog post in July, explaining my own myspace accident.

In Puerto Rico

Arrived in Puerto Rico today. It is beautiful here. The sand here is so fine that the wind blew it straight into my face, drink, and lunch all afternoon.

I will try to find time to make some posts this week, but it isn't a promise. For some reason my blog is all in spanish down here, it's a bit crazy.

Allegedly there is some irridescent algae that glows at night time. Hopefully I will get some good pictures for everyone before the trip ends...

Minesweeper

It is not my intention to post a ton of videos... but this one is just too hilarious.


Via: VideoSift

Flight of the Conchords

Arrived in NYC about 2 hours ago. Met a nice lady on the bus who told me why I should be watching "Flight of the Conchords." Perhaps she is right, the clips I found were funny. Also, anyone in NY available for dinner?

The fabulous wealth of a website blogger...

Many of you have sent me emails and comments over the last few weeks asking how much do I get paid to blog. Rather than answer you each individually, with a nice personal touch, I have opted to just post the results of three weeks of running a blog.

First, as an overview, the website has 403 Page impressions. I don't know what that means, but i think it implies the total amount of times my page has been loaded (not to be confused with unique people coming to see my blog). The total number of unique visitors (218-- "unique "begins anew each day) is tallied at the bottom of my page. This means I visit my page twice as much as everyone else combined.

Of those of you who visit, two of you have clicked on the advertisements. This generated 27 cents. One person searched on the google bar at the bottom of my page, but they did not click the advertiser link (no moolah). Four people clicked on the Google pack link, but did not actually download it (nada).

So in total: $0.27 + $0 + $0 = $0.27

Divide by three weeks at about an hour or two a day and essentially I am getting paid about half a cent an hour. But I do it for the love... obviously.

Too... late... to.... post...

No explanation necessary... or possible.



Thanks to Marsh...

Quote of the Day

"I had this book of nude photos of 90-year-olds, and it was scarier than any horror movie I’ve ever seen."
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/movies/05mcgr.html


Really? Where can I get one of those?

Movie Review: Fearless

Did I mention I watch a lot of movies? Well, I do. I got Blockbuster's Total-Access plan, and now I am drowning in films.

The latest of these films was Jet Li's Fearless. Fearless is a Kung-Fu movie set in China with the premise that one Chinese man has the guts to fight the world's four best fighters in a tournament. The film, like most Kung-Fu movies, suffers from horrible bouts of over-acting. Happiness is depicted by belly-shaking laughter, sadness is depicted by hysterical crying, and introspection is subtlety conveyed by grabbing one's chin and saying "hmmm."

This is a small gripe, however, because no one watches Kung-Fu movie for the dramatic sequences. Fearless delivers in the more important action category, with some pretty awesome fight scenes. However, I have always had a personal gripe with Jet Li's voice- it is high-pitched and squeaky (not heroish)- which has ruined several of his roles. No matter how big of a badass you are, a really high-pitched voice is going to make people laugh at you (IE. Mike Tyson). Perhaps, that is why American Jet Li films wisely choose to make him a silent character.

Overall Grade: B

Vacation Imminent

Superfans:

I leave for NYC again this weekend for Stand-up comedy training. Then I return and fly to Puerto Rico for a 5 day vacation. When I return, I will immediately catch a flight to Tampa to go to a wedding.

Henceforth, the blog might suffer a hiccup or two over the next week.

Be forgiving...

X Games- Skateboarding

Ouch.


Via: VideoSift

Personal Department

The CURSE of the CARNEY TOE! (to be said loudly like a pirate talking about a cursed treasure)

(I am madly in love with the title of this blog entry. It is reminiscent of a Nancy Drew Story-- which I never read, mind you-- but I did read books about The Hardy Boys and they had chapters with weird names too. I am going with Nancy Drew because the title has a subtle effeminate quality)

Today it was approximately 100 degrees with approximately 100 percent humidity. If you have never felt weather like that, rejoice. It literally and figuratively feels like hell. As I walked Puggie today, dogs and small children burst into flames all-around me-- even before I could shoot them with my flamethrower.

Another side effect of the heat is that everyone is wearing shorts and flip-flops, including my girlfriend. However, despite seeing my girlfriend in flip-flops almost every day for as long as I can remember, I never noticed the fact that she suffers from THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY TOE (loud! like a pirate!) .

What do I mean by this? Well, her toe is bizarrely small, like it belongs on the foot of a Carney. Am I being cruel? No, just honest. But the cruelest irony of all is that one of my girlfriend's closest friends has THE CURSE OF THE CARNEY HANDS (also like a pirate!), and my girlfriend loves to talk about her friend's problem. For my girlfriend, it is a verbal trump card.

Sample Conversation:
Friend of Girlfriend: "Hey Heather!"
Girlfriend: "Hey Carney Hands!"

This was all well and good for my girlfriend until today-- the day I discovered her Achilles toe.

See for yourself!



(If you are blind, the Carney Toe is the middle-one)

Sci-Fi. The Greatest Genre of All...

I watched a decent Sci-fi film called Equilibrium tonight. The film places Christian Bale (Batman Begins, American Psycho) in the role of an elite Government Agent who tracks down lawbreakers and kills them executioner style. Unfortunately, in this world of the future, it is illegal to have feelings. If, for instance, someone lamented killing a firefly because it was a pretty glow-bug, they would be shot in the face. Emotions are regulated by drugs that the government forces the masses to take. Things get interesting when Christian Bale's character forgets to take his emotion suppressors and then he is put in a position where he has to kill an innocent puppy... (cliffhanger!)

Allow me to digress for a moment to say that I love Sci-Fi films. Sci-Fi is a fantastic and wholly under-appreciated genre. No matter how far-fetched the plot, every good Sci-Fi film makes you consider that you-- as a mere mortal within the gigantic cog of humankind-- have no idea where the human race will be in a couple hundred years.

Back to the movie:
Equilibrium was a good flick, but it borrowed heavily from the Matrix, which had superior production. Had Equilibrium been released a few years before the Matrix, it probably would have been a huge box office hit. As it stands, it is relatively unknown flick which seems to copy the action sequences and costumes without surpassing them. However, if you like Sci-fi films and have free time on your hands, I say go for it.

Overall Grade: B minus (on a scale that includes A+++)

Powered by ScribeFire.

Bunny Embarrasses Falcon

This is the feel good movie of the summer. This insanely agile bunny totally out maneuvers this hunting falcon. Enjoy!



Via: VideoSift

Illumination

I spent my day off recovering from the trip to NYC, and catching up with Puggie.

While Puggie napped on the couch (as he is doing right now) I noticed a brown insect with wings land on the wall beside me. I movedy slowly to get a piece of mail, and crept upon it. I crushed it quickly, and to my surprise it exploded unleashing bright flames across the wall-- the bright organs of firefly.

I felt guilt at killing something beautiful, and moreover, not recognizing its beauty until it was too late. It is a curious thing what humans attach value to. I don't see why any human, including myself, should logically feel guilt at killing an insignificant bug...

...But no one said we were logical.

The New Sun is climbing to the top

I googled "thenewsun" and for the first time ever, my little blog page popped up as the number one hit...

... On the second page.

O.J. Simpson Interview

Anyone catch the O.J. Simpson interview the other day? The people who called in to ask questions were quite humorous...


http://view.break.com/341923 - Watch more free videos

NYC

I am on my way to NYC... will post tomorrow.

Shark Week

It's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. I wouldn't know this, but someone who I work with decided it was worth talking about for five hours today.

Admittedly, sharks are interesting creatures, and who hasn't stayed up late wondering what sharks don't enjoy eating?

This particular experiment was conducted by trial and error. Sharks were lured towards a fishing boat with an special shark appetizer, and then they were fed turkeys, cauliflower, and African children, and asked to score what food they preferred most.

This kind of experiment begs several questions, like: who who wouldn't enjoy eating African Children most?

Personal Department

In honor of whoever voted for more personal stories:

Last night I dragged myself downtown to attend the Improv's monthly happy hour despite being overworked and underslept. I am glad I did. The guys I met had a great attitude, plus the bar's jukebox had Asia's perennial hit "Heat of the Moment."

I was particulary impressed by the guy with the "just do it" attitude who told me to get out there and start performing stand-up ASAP. "Do 100 open-mic nights and you will see what you are made of..." It could have been just talk, but when he abandoned me mid-sentence to run outside the bar and chase down a blonde for her number, it occurred to me that maybe I could be more brazen with my stand-up career...

Personal Department

Strong Enough for a man, Screw who it is pH balanced for...

I ran out of deodorant the other day, so I decided to use my gilfriend's "Dry Idea" (which has a neutral scent, mind you). It did it's job so well that I decided to use it all week without her permission.

I feel refreshingly neutral.

Cyber-Stalking

I was on myspace the other day and decided to search for an ex-girlfriend from high school.

Anyhow, within a couple of clicks I made a GRAVE error. I searched using her old email, and somehow i double-clicked or something but I inadvertently INVITED her to join myspace, thus completely revealing my identity AND cyber-stalking habits.

Then I had a great idea: the best way for me to cover my tracks was to start sending "join myspace" invitations to everyone from my high-school, so that if she spoke to any of her old friends she would think that I was sending out invitations to everyone. So after a frantic couple-hours of emailing invitations, I decided that maybe all of the periphery high school people would think that I was cyber-stalking them. So then I spent all the next day sending out "join myspace" invitations to all of the people I knew in college, and at work-- just to expand the realm of plausibility that I really enjoy myspace and think everyone should be a part of it.

Long story short, I have started sending out lots of other emails now, some regarding body part enlargements, others regarding this guy I know in Nigeria who is trying to send large sums of money to your bank account for no very good reason, and still others regarding this great new networking service called classmates.com...

Damn it, I can't believe who I just emailed...

the Notorious PUG

I have a pug named NOTORIOUS P.U.G. He is awesome.


I imagine having an awesome dog is a lot like having a child. You feel an incredible sense of pride when you realize he is going to be really, really good-looking. You feel inexplicable amusement when he does little things, like eat fallen food scraps or paw at himself in the mirror, because it seems completely unique. You talk about him a lot because he is completely fascinating, but really he is only fascinating to you.

Allow me to digress for a moment to discuss the fact that there is a fly AND a mosquito flying around my house right now. Every time I see something flap near my screen I crouch low in my chair, but then I feel relieved when I realize it's just the fly... but I know the mosquito is here too, and I must be vigilant.

Anyways, my pug is larger than other pugs. He actually IS unique. He weighs a whopping 34 lbs, and he ate a Chihuahua once, but I didn't notice until later, and I never started caring. Puggie is also the first dog that has not tried to run-away at the first opportunity, which says something about him-- or me.

In conclusion, dogs are just like babies covered in thick fur who never learn to talk.

The Cornell Chimes

I stumbled upon the Cornell Alumni website today, and then-- after further stumbling--- I found a page where you can listen to the Cornell Chimes play the school's Alma Mater.

It piqued some emotion in me. There is comfort in their deep echoes. The evening song would always make me pause to reflect upon the world outside Cornell--a world full of possibilities.

"What does the future hold for me...?"

I could only answer with a grin.


http://www.chimes.cornell.edu/sounds.html

Fake News Department

Cheney Inherits Presidency for an hour: Declares War on Iran, France

In a scheduled transfer of power on Friday, Vice-President Dick Cheney assumed the President's powers while George W. Bush was sedated for a prostate procedure. In an unlikely turn of events, President-for-the-hour Cheney used the opportunity to launch simultaneous "preemptive" missile strikes on Tehran and Paris.

Operation Irani Freedom and Operation Frog-killa came as a complete surprise to Washington insiders. Even White House Press Secretary Tony Snow seemed flustered facing reporters at a noon press conference. When questioned about the President's logic, Tony Snow offered with uncharacteristic frankness, "We don't have reasons for every little thing we do, okay?!"

Simpsonized

Craig transformed into Simpsons character. (Courteousy of simpsonizeme.com)

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Google Search

I googled "thenewsun" and for the first time ever, my little blog page popped up as the number one hit...

... On the second page.

Little People Meet!

So the blog advertisements that none of you are clicking are actually pretty entertaining... Kern pointed out in a comment that due to my discussion of midgets, Google decided to advertise a midget dating service on my page.

Initially I thought he was just being funny, but I saw the advertisement myself today. The website is Littlepeoplemeet.com! (look for the ad on this page) It is a completely hilarious midget-themed dating service! Obviously I enrolled immediately.

I was amazed to see that it contains a lot of normal-sized, attractive women. For some reason I have a hard time believing that all these women who are 5'5 and 5'7 are just looking for a nice midget man to cuddle with. Do people in this height range classify themselves as little people? I secretly suspect that these attractive women posts are designed to lure midgets outside so that they can be captured and forced to work in travelling circuses and chocolate factories.

Anyhow, I found a good pic from the website for your viewing pleasure.

The Extramarital Affair(s) of France's First Lady

The story of politicians and their infidelities has long been a cliche. Everyone knows about JFK and Marilyn, Bill and Monica, and Bush and Cheney... Yet First Ladies always let their unscrupulous husbands off the hook.

If power is the greatest aphrodisiac (like Henry Kissinger once said) then who could be sexier than a Head of State?

Hence Presidents overcome their extramarital affairs because their wives know a divorce equates to a downgrade (in sexy power)... However, what if it came to light that the First Lady was having an affair? Would the President divorce her and live it up as the ultimate bachelor? Society views the promiscuity of men and women a bit differently, and I venture to say that most men wouldn't stand for it...

In France, this exact situation has arisen.* President Nicolas Sarkozy's wife was photographed with her lover in the run-up to his election, but now she stands by his side. Will it last?

*France, it should be noted, is much more liberal about the dalliances of its politicians.

Improv Comedy-- Begins!

Last night was my first day of comedy school, woohoo! Unfortunately it didn't leave me much time to post. Tonight I am going to a stand-up comedy show with Matt Besser (one of the founding members of the Upright Citizen's Brigade).

But I will try and squeeze in some posts before the clock strikes midight.. I already have some ideas...

Jail House Rock

This video totally blows my mind. Imagine a tough prison in the Philippines... Imagine a courtyard full of inmates... and imagine, if you will, a seamlessly performed rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller video.

It boggles the mind.

Plot Idea for a great Sci-Fi Film

Okay, the year is 2120 and the Earth's population is exploding... the major superpowers are slowly eradicating foreign countries in a race for resources like water and arable land.

The world's governments decide that the best solution to avoiding global war is to genetically mutate the the human race into... (wait for it... wait for it....) midgets. Midgets, they figure, are just like regular humans (unlike dwarfs which are disproportionate, and are said to have magical properties) except that they are smaller and would consume less resources. The government goes forward, and alters the DNA of all baby humans in their prenatal phase to make sure they are midgets.

Later in the film, a large army of Wookiees invades planet Earth. In the most climactic scene the Army of Wookiees attempts to take down a shield generator in the middle of the forest before the human midgets can retaliate by firing their planet-destroying-deathstar-ray from their deathstar (which is still under construction.)

Just as it seems like the human midgets are going to be overrun, a skilled force of forest midgets foils the ultra-modern war machines of the Wookiees by using primitive forest traps.

Afterwards the human midgets celebrate in their tree-top village with a fireworks show.

Encouraging Clicks

Hey! I have been running a blog for an hour and a half now... and it's time to get paid! Well sort of... did you know that if you start a blog, and people click on the advertisements on your page you get mailed a check! Amazing!!

What a revelation-- I have already quit my day job!

Anyhow, in pursuance to google policy, I don't want to direct you to the ads unless you are genuinely interested in clicking them (*wink*). I will not tell you to click anything that might possibly be to the immediate right of this post (*wink*) unless you are really, absolutely, without a doubt, interested in a random piece of something (*wink*).

I repeat do not click on anything that would compensate your hard-working, caring friend who labors long hours to post on his blog

For the details on how I cannot encourage you to click the links, I have pasted the guidance below.

Encouraging Clicks

In order to ensure a good experience for users and advertisers, publishers may not request that users click the ads on their sites or rely on deceptive implementation methods to obtain clicks. Publishers participating in the AdSense program:

• May not encourage users to click the Google ads by using phrases such as "click the ads," "support us," "visit these links," or other similar language
• May not direct user attention to the ads via arrows or other graphical gimmicks
  May not place misleading images alongside individual ads
• May not promote sites displaying ads through unsolicited mass emails or unwanted advertisements on third-party websites
• May not compensate users for viewing ads or performing searches, or promise compensation to a third party for such behavior
• May not place misleading labels above Google ad units - for instance, ads may be labeled "Sponsored Links" but not "Favorite Sites"