The New Sun

The Coppolas

2008-08-05T16:07:00.002-04:00

A fading light paints a gentle caress of leaves across the fathers face, while Sophia lies seductively on her back at his feet. He holds his notes across his lap and he seems lost in the middle of some rambling story. Her eyes and full lips indicate no emotion, yet we imagine she is lost in a private thought about her father. A rich wood table leans toward Sophia, carrying the father's notes and glass to the edge. Sophia holds a curious magnetism that appears to draw all the surrounding objects towards her. An aging father juxtaposed against the flawless elegance of his reposing daughter.

Each crowned the best filmmaker on earth at one time, there must be a lot to discuss.

NBA Commercial

2008-04-19T10:54:00.007-04:00

i've dreamed about winning it all
since i was probably 9 years old
i remember seeing byrd/jordan win it all
i made up my mind right then
that was gonna be me
that i was gonna be part of that
some dreams fade over time
but not this one

Say Hello to my Little Friend

2008-02-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

T shirts! Yay!

Rather than updating the blog I have spent most of my free time working on the t-shirt business. Most of you probably know this already, because most of you are also working on the t-shirt business with me... thanks for that.

Anyhow, today is a minor milestone, as I submitted my first design to Threadless.com

Click on the link to view it. Feel free to comment. The final copy isn't due until the 15th.

Rough Day

2008-01-29T22:51:00.001-05:00

I had one of my all-time rough days today. Topped only by yesterday, and possibly the day before. Work is really getting to me lately (though I won't get into the details.)

What is worse is that this is a catastrophic day of mourning for me--- as I lost my very expensive Revo sunglasses somewhere between home and work. The last time I lost a pair of sunglasses was my junior year of high school. They fit my face perfectly, and I wore them all the time. Then one day I lost them while playing golf, and was devastated. I literally jogged across about 6 miles of fairways looking for them in the dark, but to no avail. In memory of my loss I swore I wouldn't wear another pair for at least a year. But a year grew into two, which turned into 6, which turned into 9...

I may have sworn off sunglasses forever, but with my recent laser surgery I began an intensive search for a replacement (sunglasses are required). After an hour of searching the 20x10 ft Sunglass Hut in my neighborhood, I finally begrudgingly picked a black pair of Revos with the wrapping corners-- the one's major league outfielders wear.

At first, the new sunglasses just reminded me of my lost love (the old high school shades), but over the last few months my revos became a part of me... and today they mysteriously disappeared on my way into work. I spent an hour after work asking security officers if anyone had turned them in, and searching the lost and found..

At this point I am just going to have to rely on the good faith and integrity of the people who work for the government.

So, yeah, I will never see them again.

New Hummer

2008-01-27T19:52:00.000-05:00

My friend Helen linked me to this new website uncrate.com. Its pretty amazing... it sifts through the coolest items available for purchase and organizes them for your viewing pleasure.

I stumbled across the new hummer design, which admittedly makes me drool even though I drive a Hybrid...

Four Hour Workweek

2008-01-27T17:46:00.000-05:00

A couple months ago I began reading a book called "The Four-Hour Work week."

This book makes sense to me on so many levels. Aside from being a huge proponent of only working four hours a week-- the whole methodology for streamlining an efficient business makes me think I am quite capable of starting my own business.

Which is convenient, because I am starting my own business.

Threadless

2008-01-23T23:23:00.000-05:00

If you appreciate funny/ artistic t-shirts, you need to visit the website Threadless. It is truly amazing...

I looked through their shirt designs for a couple hours today... so many are so funny and so creative. I really want to win one of their weekly contests...

Bill Clinton: 'Screw it, I am running for President'

2008-01-23T23:17:00.000-05:00

Ah... Onion... how I love thee...

click here

New Banner

2008-01-22T21:22:00.000-05:00

What do you guys think of the new banner? I downloaded a free digital drawing program so that I can begin making T-shirt designs.

Anyone want a T-shirt with The New Sun Banner?

They will be a mere $75*

*not really.

End of My Rope

2008-01-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

Who wants to start an internet T-shirt business?

In the words of the late Jerry Maguire:

"If anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who's coming with me besides...'Flipper' here?"

So... who wants in? The time is now!

Steroid Social Network

2008-01-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

Check out this interesting Steroid Social Network, created by some guys at slate....

Queue NBC Song "The more you know..."

Broken Mirror

2008-01-20T00:41:00.000-05:00

I went skeet shooting today... wow, it is fun to shoot clay pigeons. I highly recommend it. Unfortunately, I also broke a mirror today, so I have some bad luck to overcome for the remainder of my twenties. However, I didn't let the broken mirror deter me from playing poker tonight... where I promptly lost all my money.

It could be worse... I could be the make-a-wish foundation in this video....

Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes

The Onion....

2008-01-18T06:44:00.000-05:00

This morning I noticed the Onion headline:

Olympic Runners Feeling Stupid For Cutting Off Legs Before Finding Out About Prosthetic Ban

Which is funny because I made the same joke two days earlier....

Double-Amputee Banned from Beijing Olympics

You are welcome, Onion writers.

Top Ten Tech Watches

2008-01-18T06:35:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are fascinated by geek gadgetry like me... you might find this little top ten list interesting.

click here.

Legal Woes: Tree-killer gets 5 years

2008-01-18T06:21:00.000-05:00

A man was recently sentenced to five years for illegally cutting down some trees in his community... and when I say "some" I mean 546.

Article here.

Update here.

Thanks Jordan.

Conan

2008-01-16T17:34:00.001-05:00

I am a longtime fan of Conan O'brien...

I saw his show live three times in NYC. Twice I yelled out "I Love you, Conan!" just as the lights came on and the show began. Each time he had a funny response ("I love you too, SIR./ Thanks... mom!)

Today I stumbled across some historical footage of Conan, as he was first being passed the baton from David Letterman. It is amazing to see how young and uncomfortable he seems in front of the camera.

Two Steps Forward...

2008-01-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

American Idol is back.. Wow there was some weirdos on tonight. If I were one of the judges I would insist that snipers have their rifle's trained on the contestants at all times.

Next week's preview shows Paula dancing with some small asian contestant. It looks pretty amusing. This little clip spurred a conversation between Heather and I about whether it was Paula Abdul or the cartoon cat who choreographed her dance routines.

Somehow this led to us dancing and singing "Opposites Attract," when Heather ad-libbed this genius phrase:

I take two steps forward,
I take two steps back
We come together
cuz Paula likes cats!

Bringing Intellectualism to the Internet

2008-01-15T20:14:00.001-05:00

When I first learned about Big Think I was struck by how much it resembles an idea I pitched back in 2003 to a small media Bureau Chief in DC. So, in other words, I like it... even though it makes me feel bad about myself.

Of course, an idea isn't worth anything if it isn't implemented, and I give full credit to the two Harvard students who pushed this idea around and got millions of dollars from some of the biggest names in technology and academia.

The idea is this: Get famous people to answer intellectual questions and create a giant video database of their answers. The goal is to create a place where people can learn, hear opposing viewpoints, and develop academic sources.

The model for their setup is unique. There is no "interviewer" per se. The interviewees are placed in closet size room with no distractions, and questions are posed via teleprompter. The goal is to reduce any outside inputs-- this isn't about stimulus, it is purely about the ideas inside peoples heads.

Here are some I found interesting:

-Sen. John McCain on Government Secrecy, http://www.bigthink.com/policy-politics/1391
-Sir Richard Branson, Chairman Virgin Group http://www.bigthink.com/philanthropy/607
-Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Fellow American Institute, Former Member of Parliament in the Netherlands, Outspoken Activist for Women's rights in the Muslim World on International Issues.
http://www.bigthink.com/the-world/the-middle-east/3500
-Daniel Gilbert (Harvard Psychology Professor and Author) on happiness. http://www.bigthink.com/love-happiness/505

Steroid Investigations New Target: Rappers

2008-01-15T19:47:00.001-05:00

It isn't just baseball players who need to worry about steroid investigations now. Allegations have recently been made against 50 Cent, Wyclef Jean, Timbaland, and even Mary J. Blige for steroid use.

Apparently, their superhuman frames were enhanced! Who knew?!

In interviews I suggest they cite the case of the paralympian (see below) who uses prosthetic legs to gain an "unfair" advantage against other athletes. That ought to do the trick.

NYTIMES Article

Double-Amputee Banned from Beijing Olympics

2008-01-15T19:32:00.001-05:00

The story of the day belongs to the double-amputee runner who was recently barred from competing in the Beijing olympics based on a German study suggesting his prosthetic legs give him an "unfair advantage."

Are you kidding me? The guy doesn't have legs... and you think he has an unfair advantage? Talk about your all-time heartless decisions. Even if he did have some kind of advantage--- it isn't steroids... This is the only way this guy can compete. Do we fear that people will start sawing off their feet so that they can shave a few seconds off their mile time? Let the guy compete. Even if he doesn't win, it will be the feel good story of the century.

FYI: The runner is appealing the decision...

http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/story/7658380

Al-Qaeda also fed up with Ground Zero Construction Delays

2008-01-14T21:18:00.000-05:00

Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays

The Onion

2008-01-14T19:40:00.000-05:00

Son's Black Market Value Checked Online

WHITESTONE, NY—Shortly after viewing a television report on the international child-slavery trade, 42-year-old father David Newsom was "alarmed" Monday when a subsequent Internet search revealed that his son, Dave, Jr., would fetch more than $35,000 in an underground Burmese child-sex-slave operation.

"To think that there are sickos out there who would pay an extra five grand just because he's blond," said Newsom, who claimed he was shocked by how easy it was to upload photos to the illicit organization's website. "These people are absolute monsters with their height requirements, though."

Newsom added that he was just glad to know his 11-year-old son was happy, healthy, and in possession of two normal and absolutely toxin-free kidneys.

Tom Cruises Unauthorized Biography

2008-01-14T19:11:00.000-05:00

If you are like me, you have been anxiously anticipating the release of Tom Cruise's Unauthorized Biography since the first time you saw Top Gun at age 8.

Slate did a quick overview for those of you who don't have time to read the interesting tidbits about whether Tom is a control-seeking homosexual who believes his baby is the incarnation of L. Ron Hubbard.

The full article is here.

But here is a taste, for you lazy vistors:

"Inside the Actor's Closet

Ever since that ridiculously homoerotic volleyball scene in Top Gun, the world has wondered about Tom Cruise's sexuality. But Andrew Morton's Tom is a hot-blooded heterosexual.

Page 13: One of Tom's first girlfriends, Carol Trumpler, still gets "misty-eyed" when she remembers her brief dalliance with the future star: "He was a very good kisser, very much at ease with it all. But what do you know at eleven?" Sadly for Carol, Tom moved on pretty quick. "I was trying to be a good girl, and when I didn't give in to his ways he moved on."

Page 68: Remember the sex-on-a-train scene in Risky Business? Morton alleges that "while Tom and Rebecca [De Mornay] were nervous before playing the scene, those who snuck onto the closed set are convinced that the answer to the question of 'did they, didn't they' really get it on on camera is a firm yes."

Page 195: High-school girlfriend Diane Van Zoeren doesn't give any credence to the "Tom is gay" rumor: "I don't get it. I find these stories just hard to believe. We romanced in my dad's Oldsmobile doing what you are not supposed to."

Page 34: Nancy Armel, another high-school flame, also remembers fooling around in a parked car. She told Morton: "I was black and blue from the gearshift."

Page 65: Tom tried to impress Nancy by taking her to the Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles, but he "was unaware of the story line—about two gay men living together in St. Tropez." According to Nancy, "he couldn't handle it. We had to leave before the intermission. It really bothered him. He was definitely homophobic."

Page 195: Morton claims that "Tom was uncomfortable around gay men. Those who saw him in the company of some of Nicole [Kidman's] gay friends, who included designer John Galliano, noticed that he was awkward and ill at ease, much preferring the company of jocks who talked about football rather than fashion."

Courtly Knight/Night Stalker

Page 259: Just one day after Sofía Vergara met Tom, Morton says the Colombian actress "faced a blizzard of phone calls, text messages, and e-mails." Tom also "sent her flowers, notes, and chocolates."

Page 263: Eventually, Sofía got freaked out by Tom's attentiveness and his faith. When Tom arranged for a trip to Clearwater, the Scientology center in Florida, she allegedly "stood him up, packing a bag and 'disappearing' for a few days." Tom, however, wouldn't let up: "For five days he left messages and texts, but she resolutely refused to return his calls."

Page 145: During their courtship phase, Tom sent Nicole Kidman "flowers, usually red roses, almost daily."

Page 157: Tom's romancing didn't stop with clichéd flora; he also had a way with words. Morton claims that "one householder in Toronto who rented her house to the Cruises was bemused to find several love notes in her sofa cushions when she moved back in. At first she thought her husband was being uncharacteristically affectionate. Then she realized they were penned by Tom."

Idea of the Day

2008-01-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Hasbro (and fellow gummy bear makers of the world),

Why don't you just make red and clear gummy bears? That is all anyone wants to eat. Is it that the yellow, green, and orange gummies are made from the waste of the red and clear gummies? is that the little scam you have going? because I am not fooled. Sell bags of only red gummies and your profit goes up 50% this year, mark my words.

Sincerely yours,
C

Article of the Day

2008-01-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post had an interesting article today on why Barack Obama has been embraced by white voters, but not by black ones. The article points out that many civil rights leaders have been hesitant to support him, either because they believe white America would never elect an African-American candidate, or conversely because it would signify the end of the struggle for civil rights.

Article Snippet:

As Obama Rises, Old Guard Civil Rights Leaders Scowl
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/01/11/AR2008011102000.html?hpid=opinionsbox1

The most amazing thing about the 2008 presidential race is not that a black man is a bona fide contender, but the lukewarm response he has received from the luminaries whose sacrifices made this run possible. With the notable exception of Joseph Lowry, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference veteran who gave a stirring invocation at Obama's Atlanta campaign rally in June and subsequently endorsed him, Obama has been running without much support from many of the most recognizable black figures in the political landscape. That's because, positioned as he is between the black boomers and the hip-hop generation, Obama is indebted, but not beholden, to the civil rights gerontocracy. A successful Obama candidacy would simultaneously represent a huge leap forward for black America and the death knell for the reign of the civil rights-era leadership -- or at least the illusion of their influence. [Rev. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, etc.]

The most recent example of the old guard's apparent aversion to Obama was Andrew Young's febrile YouTube ramblings about Bill Clinton being "every bit as black as Barack Obama" and his armchair speculation that Clinton had probably bedded more black women during his lifetime than the senator from Illinois -- as if racial identity could be transmitted like an STD. This could be dismissed as a random instance of a politician speaking out of turn were it not part of an ongoing pattern.

The power of great dialogue...

2008-01-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

Good luck writers, with that strike of yours...

Image of the Day, part II

2008-01-11T21:19:00.001-05:00

Who knew the comedian Carrot Top was so jacked? It is kind of scary that a non-humorous comedian be so huge... it must be some attempt to deter hecklers.

This photo compares him to Blanka from the video game Street fighter Two. Blanka was that incredibly cheap creature who could electrocute you or turn into a ball and fling himself at you.

Given my choice, I would still prefer to hang out with Blanka.

PRK update

2008-01-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

I know you have all been anxious to hear the report on how my eyes are doing... so I will tell you.

I got surgery on my eyes in late August, and now my eyes should be through their healing process. I spoke briefly to a friend of mine who has just scheduled her own PRK appointment. I suspect she secretly wants to kill me and take over my life. Once I saw her and she was writing in her notebook, and she had just written my name over and over again. But that is another story.

Anyway, my eyes see wonderfully. I do experience a slight halo effect on lights at nighttime. I have noticed that my eyes are sensitive to sunlight now. I continue to where sunglasses whenever I am outside (per instruction), which is sometimes as much hassle as wearing regular glasses. The main difference is I look (or appear as if I am trying to look) cooler.

My eyes do get dry sometimes. I put moisture drops in my eyes about once a day. And if I don't put this gel in my eyes when I go to sleep at night, my eyes get extremely dry while I am sleeping, and it is painful (sometimes excruciatingly) when I wake up. This is heightened dramatically if I have done any drinking the night before.

One other weird side-effect is that flying really, really dries out your eyes. Definitely put a moisturizing night-time gel in your eyes, and bring lots of drops if you are flying. The first flight I took I was unprepared, and was literally squirting drops all over my face to the horror of the passengers to my right and left. The cramped quarters of plane, and frequent turbulence, makes it difficult to do eye drops, FYI.

That's about it. I am open to questions. I would certainly do it again. I have 20/15 vision now.

Picture of the Day

2008-01-11T16:29:00.000-05:00

No comment necessary. (thanks Jordan)

TV Update

2008-01-11T02:14:00.000-05:00

Last October I got a great deal on 42-inch HDTV. I was so happy about it that I wrote one of my longest posts ever on how I am exceptional at finding good deals. (http://thenewsun.blogspot.com/2007/10/internet-specials.html)

Well, my vanity has punished me.

I spent the last few months discovering why I got such a great deal. The Westinghouse TV I purchased seems to have a defect in it- all of them do. My TV has randomly tormented me with sound problems. The repairman finally came today and told me that "All Westinghouse's have this problem."

Anyhow, the morale of this story is... always overpay for electronics.

The Wonderful World of Slate and Online Prediction

2008-01-11T01:45:00.001-05:00

Although I never really talk about it in public, my favorite website on the net is a little news outfit called "Slate.com" It provides a wide range of intelligent news with a rare combination of intelligence and wit.

One of the interesting things this website introduced me to was the pastime of online prediction markets. http://www.slate.com/id/2086316

Apparently, there is a whole range of websites (of questionable legality, mind you) where you can buy and sell pretty much any kind of wager. One topic I find particularly interesting is the future trading on the next Democratic Presidential Candidate. A few days ago Hillary's stock price for clinching the Democratic Nomination on InTrade was at 2.2. This means that only about 22% of people thought Hillary would become the Democratic nominee (this was after Barack won Iowa, mind you.) The day after Hillary won New Hampshire her price shot up to 7.7 or, 77% probability.

Markets like Intrade have been demonstrated to be some of the most accurate barometers of political prediction. When money is on the line, people tend to be giving the matter serious thought. Taking an average of all these serious thoughts gives one some accuracy.

Unfortunately for Americans, I believe the U.S. Attorney has recently made some rules against online betting. I am not sure whether Intrade qualifies... but I don't recommend anyone placing monetary bets. Intrade does have bets for play-money though, if you are interested...

Fake News Department

2008-01-08T22:24:00.000-05:00

Joe Gibbs announced his retirement from the NFL today.

Gibbs, a hall of fame coach who won three superbowls, left the Redskins today. Unfortunately the sixty-seven year old coach's second tour with the Redskins was lackluster with only one playoff victory in four years. Reports indicate Gibbs might be interested in a third try in 2028, at age 87.

Chuck Norris Quote of the Day

2008-01-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. He kills all birds with two stones. The two stones in his pants.

The Smugness of Tom Brady

2008-01-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

I don't talk much sports, but i feel compelled to say a little bit about how much I dislike the Patriots and Tom Brady.

Some people feel that there is nothing worse than a smug human being. I find, however, that I am far more perturbed by humans who act completely humble, because I suspect they are closet-cocky people . Tom Brady fits this mold for me. He always has the perfect humble answer for every question reporters throw at him. I keep waiting for him to slip up and talk in the third person about his greatness like a regular football player. Something like "What? I am Tom Brady.. TOM f'ing BRADY. I am a living Legend. Of course I was going to break that record."

All season long I have maintained the hope that not only the Patriots would blow their perfect season, but that the drama would force Tom Brady to cry. I still think this is on the table... especially as the post season draws down.

It would be doubly satisfying if Coors Light turned Brady's conference cry-session into one of those commercials where they pretend to be having a conversation with the coors light guys.

Coors Guy #1: Brady... what happened to your beer?
Brady: (referencing game) I... I... just... fumbled...
Coors Guy #2: It's alright, Brady.. we have more beers...
Brady: It's not alright!! I lost it!! Okay I lost it!
Coors Guy #1 and #2 exchange wide-eyed glances.

Yes. That would be sweet.

The Oakland A's are moving to Fremont

2008-01-05T02:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know me that well. I am from the bay area, and my hometown team the Oakland A's, are being moved to a new stadium in Fremont. While I don't really have a strong opinion on the move (as I live 3,000 miles from both locations), I was touched and moved by this humorous video.

(video was pawned from a friends myspace page.)

My Pug eats lesser Pugs

2007-12-26T17:05:00.001-05:00

I may have to get a new iphone today (the phone function is giving me problems). As a result I am backing up all my pictures, and I came across this gem.

To My Friends: Why You Always Need to Join me on Adventures

2007-12-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

The next time you decide to skip out on an adventure... think about these figures.

-The average male lives 28,251 days.
-If you live to 100, you only live about 36,500 days.
-3,650 of these days are in your twenties.
-If you are 27, like me, you have about 1000 days left in your twenties.
-Are the chances better or worse that as you get older you will be more likely to embark on adventures?
-Are chances better or worse that you will have more responsibilities and less freedom when you are 30+?

Just some questions to ask yourself.

The case of the $200 T-Shirt

2007-12-25T14:44:00.000-05:00

About a week ago I discovered this amazing $218 tattoo T-shirt that I really, really want, and probably intend to purchase.

However, I realize that if I make this purchase, I will no longer be classified has a rational human being.

-First, I have never purchased a t-shirt that cost more than $30.
-Second, the t-shirt is decadent. I would have to steel myself for glances and remarks everytime I put it on. (However, I don't think I would have a problem with this.)
-Third, $218!!!

The other kicker, is that no one except my brother thinks the shirt looks good. However, this has yet to deter me either. Actually, let me digress a moment and say that I am still deciding between two t-shirts.

So I have two questions for you:
-Am I crazy?
-Which T-shirt is better (top or bottom)?

Check out www.yellowman.com for more t-shirt details.

SURPRISE California!

2007-12-25T13:25:00.000-05:00

Without giving my parents any notice last week, I bought a plane ticket and flew to my parents house in California. I conspired with my brother who picked me up at the BART station and snuck me into the house.

My parents came into our kitchen to see what my brother was up to when I casually walked by them and said hello. SURPRISE!

Here were there facial expressions:

Mom

Dad

Yay. I am a good person.

Virgin America

2007-12-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

I just flew Virgin America a few days ago. If you didn't know, Virgin offers each passenger live tv, movies, music, video games and online chat with other passengers. Each seat has a little remote control which doubles as a keyboard and video game controller.

Someday in the near future Virgin promises to have live internet connections so that people can email, chat, and browse "The New Sun." Hooray for technology.

From my perspective though, the video games were all horrible, and the free movies were completely unwatchable. Being able to browse through Virgin's music collection was cool though.

Thought of the Day

2007-12-11T22:01:00.000-05:00

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.
Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Army Strong

2007-12-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

I went to a bar last night with some military friends, and conducted an informal survey about what is sexier to women: a guy who plays guitar, or a guy in the United States Marine Corps.

I was shocked to learn that out of the 16 women polled, only one woman said the Marine Corps. Granted, this is a small sample size (and women may have inferred that I was the guitar player [albeit a very poor one]). I thought society, and women in particular, would have more gratitude for the men in uniform who lay it all on the line.

In tribute to them, I am posting this awesome Army video. Hopefully it will have an effect on you, and in the future you will find me--the untalented guitar player-- less attractive.

Bloodsport

2007-12-08T14:07:00.001-05:00

The seminal film "Bloodsport" was on TV the other day. It reminded me of how much I used to admire Jean Claude Van Damme when I was little.

Without Van Damme in my life, I probably never would have taken up the martial arts, or honed a rapier sharp wit, or developed a closet cocaine habit.*

Anyhow, on this particular viewing of Bloodsport, I was particularly attracted to the monkey kung-fu style (for the uninitiated, this is the style where you just crouch and jump around like you are actually a monkey) How come more people don't take up the monkey kung-fu? It seems to be relatively effective. The monkey guy made it to the third round before he was killed by a really strong sumo guy. In fact, if you are a monkey kung-fu instructor, I recommend you use this in your advertisements.

"Monkey Kung-Fu: It get's you to the third round of Bloodsport."

Also, what the hell is he doing in this picture?

---
*For potential employers, that was a joke. I do not in fact have a rapier wit OR a cocaine habit.

Hap-py Hannukah!

2007-12-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

Hap-py Hannukah everybody!

My first, and only Hannukah present was the amazingly stylish "Hap!"

"What is a 'hap?'" you ask. Well a hap is what happens when a cap and a hat love each other very much. The cap tells the hat he loves it, and gives it a ring, and if the hap accepts they begin a long engagement period. On their wedding night the cap inserts its bill into the hat, and nine months later (if the cap doesn't use protection) a "Hap" is born.

I must admit I have been a bit embarrassed to wear my "hap.' It is kind of a New Jersey style. Which, for those of you have never been to New Jersey, means it is not really a style at all.

But I decided to be brave, and I wore it the last few days. I may never be the same.

Long time no see, or type, or read.

2007-12-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody... apologies for the month long hiatus. Anyone still reading the old blog?

I just returned from a couple week vacation to California. Had a great time catching up with my old friends and making some new ones. I also had the opportunity to take a few hikes in the hills around Mt. Diablo and Las Trampas.

Perhaps the most momentous part of my trip was that I pet a wild cow (pictured below). The conversation went like this:

Me: How now brown cow?
Cow: ...
Me: Can I pet you?
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am coming in close to pet you now...
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am real close now, don't hurt me.
Cow: ...
Me: Okay, I am about to pet you....
Cow: ...
(*Pet Pet*)
Me: Suck on that, bitch. I just pet you.

I also saw this awesome baby cow, which I believe is technically referred to as a calf. Check this picture out:

I also got into the spirit of geocaching... which for the uninitiated, involves using a GPS unit to track down little treasures (of no monetary value) that people hide all over the world. There is probably a geocache near you right now...

I also proved to myself that I am not completely without energy these days. My last night in California involved meeting up with my old friends Jordan and Tyler in SF, returning to Danville around 2AM to eat at Denny's with Kern, and then typing up powerpoint presentation from 4-8 AM, while virtual conferencing with my teammates in Washington who had already started work on the East Coast. Then I woke up at noon and went on an awesome hike to Eagle Peak on the Las Trampas ridge near my family's house. (Top picture for the view from the top).

Of course, after all this, I got home and was ridiculously ill. But it was worth it.

Bow Before the Master

2007-10-14T23:28:00.001-04:00

Yes! On September 3oth I made a BOLD prediction; and this week it appears to have come true.

Two weeks ago, after watching the season premier of "The Office," I predicted that Andy would date Angela (see http://thenewsun.blogspot.com/2007/09/office-prediction.html) and after this week's episode, it seems obvious that it will only be a matter of time.

Admit it... you are impressed.

Clustr Map Update

2007-10-09T23:07:00.000-04:00

According to the Clustr Maps (featured to the right), I am getting serious hits in India.

Nice...

Hello Indian people.

Internet Specials!

2007-10-09T00:25:00.001-04:00

I don't normally post about internet savings. In fact, I never post about them. But yesterday I purchased a 42 inch HDTV (in 1080p) for a total of $870, and I am feeling pretty good about it. So I wanted to share the deal with the world.

First off, if you don't use the internet to search out deals on expensive items, you are missing out. The military invented the internet for three reasons: to improve communications, to save money on consumer items, and to find pornography. If you are only doing one of these things, you are not using the internet properly.

The internet hosts a range of "hot deal" websites. My favorites are slickdeals.net and fatwallet.com. (A friend of mine really likes woot.com because it is funny and has excellent value, but woot only sells one item a day, so it is kind of a crap shoot.) NOTE: the websites I have listed don't actually sell you things, they just show you coupons, and direct you to official deals online or at brick and mortar stores. They aren't a sketchy underground operation... well woot.com is, actually.

Anyway, if you are looking for an electronic gizmo, rather than going to your generic "best buy" or "circuit city" website, you should be going to one of these websites and searching the forums, because there are a fanatic group of nerds who are extremely thrifty, who spend hours combing the world for outstanding value. Then they post this stuff so everyone can benefit. Sometimes stores mistakenly post the wrong price for items on the internet, and this is when they get worked into a feeding frenzy and you will literally see thousands of posts on a given thread. Like, once I saw a really nice Sony HDTV that was listed for about a third of the retail price-- and nerds were literally screaming in all capitals in their posts. Yes-- I said ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! The nerve! (Stores don't always honor these postings, mind you.)

You will notice that the thrifty people have their own little language. They say things like "YMMV," meaning "your mileage may vary," and "B&M" meaning "Brick and Mortar," etc.

If something says "YMMV" it generally means that you probably have to try to use a coupon that technically is not supposed to be used on the particular item you want. For instance, I bought an HDTV and used a 12% off coupon that said "cannot be used for items on sale." The price of the TV I bought had just been lowered that day to $990 and had a tag on it that said "On Sale"... BUT was it really ON sale? Would the salesperson reject my coupon? Would the computer reject it?

This is the essence of YMMV. And in my case, I told the guy at Best Buy, "I have a coupon," he scanned it, and everything went fine. So if you want to try to get the TV i just got... here is the link (lucky for me, VA takes some weekends of from sales tax, and it happened to coincide with my purchase--take that other states!):
http://forums.slickdeals.net/showthread.php?t=624397&highlight=1080p+hdtv

I will leave you with a few parting tips:
1) Good deal websites allow users to "rate" the deal. This is key. Look for deals that have good ratings.
2) Search the forums! Using the keyword search. For instance "HDTV" if you are looking for that.. should turn up dozens of great deals going on right now.
3) Sometimes these deal websites will link to suspicious looking websites (this is rare). Don't buy from them, and don't send naked pics to them-- no matter how persistent they are.

"Youngblood" -- Best Movie Ever?

2007-10-08T04:00:00.000-04:00

I didn't plan to stay up until 4AM, it just happened. It happened because of the mesmerizing power of a film. A film full of gravitas, well-developed characters, and perseverance. Yes, I am talking about the seminal film "Youngblood" starring Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze.

If you haven't seen the film, you've probably heard it bandied about it locker rooms, or in some impressive twist during a game of six degrees of separation. IF you have ever met a pro hockey player, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he said, "I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for that movie." The same is true of me-- its 0405AM and I wouldn't be on my computer writing about the power of 80s cinema if it weren't for a film called "Youngblood."

The story weaves an epic tale of a farmer's son who dreams of playing pro-hockey. I was a bit confused by this initially, because farms usually exist in warm climates, and hockey players exist in cold ones.... but if you put this small gripe aside, you have a gem of a film.

Rob Lowe is truly in peak form. His stints in Tommy Boy, The West Wing, and as a real-life adviser to Governor Schwarzenegger (why does one actor playing a politician hire another actor who plays an adviser?) do no justice to this powerful performance. I have never been a Rob Lowe fan, per se. But this movie changed me. I now see why he was cast in all those other roles. I am sure someone in the casting department said "that guy from Youngblood wants a part in [insert name of film/tv-show]?... [insert excited expletive] Yeah! We will take him!"

Patrick Swayze also turns in an outstanding performance. I always thought Dirty Dancing was the pinnacle of his acting career (followed closely by "Ghost," mind you), but now I know I was wrong. Very wrong.

See "Youngblood" immediately, if it is the last thing you do.

Also, quick-note: whoever did the Youngblood movie box cover (featured above) seems to have used a digital camera from the future. Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze look absolutely identical to their modern day selves.

Grade: A

Alex Smith and the case of the Crushed QB

2007-10-03T18:58:00.000-04:00

49ers Update:

Why oh why did Alex Smith have to get obliterated last weekend? I thought he was going to carry us to the playoffs this season... now it looks like he might be out all year with a separated shoulder. The 49ers got crushed last weekend (only scored 3 points.)

It took me the first three weeks of the season to convince my girlfriend to pick up some 49er players in her $40 fantasy league (Yes, you heard it, my girlfriend plays in big money fantasy football league. Impressive, eh?) Guess who she picked up in week 4? Alex Smith.

After a horrible showing last weekend, the 9ers are last in passing yards, last in total yards, and 27th in points.

Perhaps she is responsible for this whole mess.

Lucky for me, I can also cheer for the Redskins...

New Blog Visitor Update

2007-10-03T15:29:00.000-04:00

According to ClustrMaps someone visited my blog from Indonesia!! (or Malaysia-- it's hard to tell)

We are going global!

Voice Recognition Software

2007-10-03T15:17:00.000-04:00

Before reading this post--- read the post below it. It won't make
sense otherwise.

Today I decided to try this service call "reQall." Essentially you dial it
up by phone, leave a voice mail, then it converts your speech to text
and emails it to you (among other features.) However, it does not work very
well. I used "reQall" to remind myself of the shampoo story this morning.

Look at the text version they sent me, and compare it to the blog below:

Dear Craig, this is what you have just added to reQall

	Task

I miss shower this morning and it occurs to me that I am out of shampoo but my dark shampoo is been there so I started using the dark shampoo and whatever this time doesn't seen my eyes etc. Shampoo work and pretty good that works. Says, Wow you really smell pretty good, what shampoo you are wearing. I pointed like Pantene Pro-v, Denim wild. And then she asked so if could see the bottle so that she could get that for her boyfriend. So I am not sure, sure, sure, Denim wild and I am going to buy a bottle of Pantene pro-v, and if she finds out a crazy person.

The Price of Smelling Nice

2007-10-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

I ran out of shampoo today.

And conspicuously, there it was-- my salvation-- a bottle of dog shampoo in the corner my shower. I looked over the ingredients. Pondered it. Proceeded.

It didn't cross my mind again until late in the afternoon, when an attractive young coworker was enchanted by the smell of my "Premium Tearless Puppy Shampoo."

Her: You smell nice. What shampoo do you use?
Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Pantene Pro-V.
Her: Really? I use Pantene. Yours smells different.
Me: (silent, shameful)
Her: What kind of pantene pro-v?
Me: The kind for regular hair? (spoken on the rising note of a question)
Her: Could you bring it in? I want my boyfriend to use it.
Me: Sure...

Then begins the morale quandary section of my day. Buy Pantene Pro-V for her, and continue using puppy tearless shampoo on myself? Buy Pantene, switch the puppy shampoo and pantene bottles? Honesty?

Obviously, not honesty.

Puggy Smalls

2007-10-02T09:23:00.001-04:00

Yes, as Craig mentioned I did get the chance to visit DC over the weekend. Many events were thoroughly enjoyed, some more than the infamous Sanz improv (sanz humor?). Nothing, however, could match the chance to meet the Notorious P.U.G.

Puggy, I dedicate this link to you.
http://www.organicarmor.com/Products/Pets/index.htm

Clustr Map

2007-10-01T20:40:00.001-04:00

Check out the glorious "Clustr Map" on the right hand side of the page. The map shows where people view the blog from.

The New Sun has very diverse readership, peppered across the US, and there is even a Swedish fan!

The Office: Prediction

2007-09-30T00:23:00.000-04:00

One of these creatures is dead.
Just watched the premiere of the office, and I want to document to the world my powers of intuition by predicting the future.

So first off-- SPOILER ALERT.

In the first episode of the season Angela's cat "Sprinkles" dies, and it later comes to light that Dwight is responsible for the death. Naturally, Angela is mad at Dwight...

Now for the BOLD prediction:

Angela will start dating the annoying Cornellian Andy.

"Sometimes it’s just about the music of a conversation."

Go Big Red!

Horatio Sanz: Sans Humor

2007-09-29T12:04:00.000-04:00

My old college buddy, and fellow blogger, Marsh is in town this weekend to visit his girlfriend. At my suggestion, and over his girlfriend's objection, we went to see Horatio Sanz do improv at a local theater...

Ouch. Way to make me look like an idiot, Horatio. I have never gone to a humor show that I thought was absolutely horrible until last night. At frequent intervals I was actually compelled to heckle the performers.

I suspect with a high level of confidence that Horatio and his friends got wasted before they went on stage. Half of what they said made no sense, most sentences contained ridiculously long awkward pauses, and the performers consistently talked over one another.

The only semi-entertaining part was that I got to yell my favorite improv activity suggestion: "COCKFIGHTING!"

Never see Horatio Sanz perform. And yet somehow I feel relatively confident that none of you would have seen him perform had I said nothing at all..

Change of Blog Name...

2007-09-26T23:52:00.000-04:00

Ever since I started blogging on a whim, it has annoyed me that "The New Sun" doesn't google at number one. Sometimes it doesn't even "google" on page 1. This disturbs my fragile ego.

Perhaps this serves me right for stealing the name of a semi-famous science fiction trilogy (written by Gene Wolfe-- highly recommended. The series begins with "The Shadow of the Torturer." To date, I have never seen any other book or movie where the hero's occupation is torture.)

Anyhow... getting to my point. I am thinking about changing the name of the blog. In fact, I plan to just go ahead and do it. Naturally, this will change the web address, so there will be some minor inconvenience to you, the reader.

I will keep you updated.

Ahmadinejad Update

2007-09-26T23:17:00.001-04:00

A couple of you posed thoughtful comments on my Ahmandinejad post. It seems that the university of Columbia rose to the occasion and put the President of Iran in his place. I think Columbia should be commended for its excellent handling of the controversial event. My concern was that they wouldn't challenge the President of Iran sufficiently, and in that regard I was quite mistaken.

I do wonder if the media backlash against the President of Columbia prompted him to rise to the occasion. Whatever the cause, he deserves praise....

Also-- did you see Ahmadinejad in the UN the next day? Man he was pissed...

President of Columbia University Introduces...

2007-09-25T15:49:00.000-04:00

Take a few minutes to see this -- it's pretty good. I don't think Ahmadinejad liked his intro..

On a lighter note...

2007-09-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

Ahmadinejad Takes Manhattan

2007-09-24T13:11:00.002-04:00

If you watch the news you probably know that the President of Iran Mahmouhd Ahmadinejad is in NYC today to attend a UN conference. While he was in town, Columbia University thought it would be a good opportunity to snag a world leader to engage with students as a guest speaker. While on the surface, this may seem like a reasonable exchange of ideas-- it is not.

A political figure like Ahmadinejad is a incredibly divisive figure; he is a hate-monger whose ideas should not be invited to permeate our academic institutions unchallenged. By inviting him to speak at Columbia, we give his ideas more merit than they deserve. It is on par with inviting the leader of the Klu Klux Klan to share his ideas on the Aryan nation. His intentions are bad. His information is slanted. And worse still, his engagement with students is likely to gain him a modicum of support. State leaders are invariably charming and masters of information. Ahmadinejad will present himself as a moderate Islamic Leader, and some students will buy it.

An informative debate is only beneficial when the players involved respect the basic rule that they are not going to alter facts-- they use the facts to make subjective opinions and inferences. Political warfare, which Ahmadinejad is currently engaged in, does not respect this rule. Therefore, Ahmadinejad is not going to be engaged in a constructive dialog with students, it will merely be political theater. Columbia has a responsibility to moderate the lecture, and to contrast his words against his prior statements. (EDIT)

If a student leaves the lecture saying "He doesn't seem like that bad of a guy..." then Columbia has done a great disservice to its students. Ahmadinejad deserves to be challenged at every turn for his government's actions, inflammatory statements, and personal conduct.

In the last year alone, he has repeatedly called for the destruction of Israel and all its people. He has repeatedly denied the existence of the Holocaust. His government continues to sponsor terrorism both against our soldiers in Iraq, and against Israel. More troubling is that Iran continues to pursue nuclear weapons.

Ahmadinejad: Destruction of Israel

When the leader of a country calls for the destruction of another country and is currently seeking the capability to bring about such destruction-- we should take notice. Iran is a strategic enemy of the United States-- their leaders seek to undermine our mission in the Middle East through any means necessary. Ahmadinejad is venturing to the United States to engage in information warfare. Columbia University needs to challenge Ahmadinejad at every turn for his conduct. Ahmadinejad is a radical leader whose words may bring about Word War III. Columbia students have a large responsibltiy before them.

Ahmadinejad : Holocaust Denial

Quote of the Day

2007-09-24T13:11:00.001-04:00

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. "
- Unknown

Talk Like a Pirate Day, arrr

2007-09-19T22:03:00.000-04:00

Arr Maties. T'was talk like 'e pirate day today, ye rapscallions. I hope ye all seized the opportunity to bust out some "arrs" and some pirate-themed jokes. Like, per se, if ye coworker was wearing a preppy sweater, ye could say "nice arrrrgyle sweater, wench."

I did, fer certain. No foolins, I did.

Then me great parrot swooped down in a swoop of bright primary colors and attacked a man's eye for lookin' at me funny. Har har har. Now that was FUNNY.

I took the eyeball from me parrot and placed it on my left hook, and whenever some one said "aye, aye Captain," I would say that's not an "Aye, this in an EYE!" Then we'd laugh our pirate laughs, and dance our pirate jigs. And much drinkin, and pillaging, and triple-homicidin' was done.

Tis' true, I love the holiday season.

Disturbia and the case of the screaming girlfriend

2007-09-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

Those of you who have met my girlfriend know that she is not quiet. But you may not know that she screams at the slightest provocation. Tonight we watched a movie called Disturbia. Needless to say it is a thriller, but my girlfriend screamed so loud and so frequently that I also started to scream. Soon we were lost in an endless cycle of screaming. I can only guess what the neighbors think.

Good movie though.

Still Standing.... Up

2007-09-13T22:04:00.000-04:00

So, I haven't told you about my stand-up performance yet because it hasn't happened. First-- because I originally thought I was going to an open-mic for comedy, but it turned out to be a very serious poetry reading session.

Second, because the fall-back place canceled its Tuesday Open-mics (the nerve!) So here I am on Thursday, without having performed yet... after a grueling efforts to put together an act.

BoooOooooo.. No excuse of course. I should have just performed at the poetry hour...

PhD

2007-09-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

Anyone here ever have to tell their bosses that they're tired of working at the company and are going to get a PhD? If you have, I would love to hear your advise on how to do it without sounding like a complete dick. Sure, it's the natural thing to do in my position, at least from my perspective. It's just hard when you were the first employee of the company, the entire group in its first iteration was fired and replaced (excluding me, of course), and you're certain that things won't go so well when you leave.

Also, I'm fairly sure that my boss will rain fire on one departing employee named Marshall -- EACH WEEK!!

I had to tell the founder of my company last night because I need his recommendation. I haven't told my supervisor yet. Not sure I want to bear a full year of being brushed aside (yep, I gave them a years notice... aren't I a good submissive employee?)

P.S. that's not me. But this person is the recipient of a whole lot of lobster-love. a whole lot..

Open Mic

2007-09-10T11:58:00.000-04:00

Well, tonight is a big night. I have been working hard on a stand-up act for the last week. Thanks to those of you who have helped me hone my jokes. Your help was invaluable. I will try to record the open-mic session so I can share the experience. I am don't plan to post it on this page, as its distribution is something I want to keep down.

However, I do have a mustache and a cowboy hat to protect my identity. Your votes on the mustache were summarily tallied, and ignored. Why did you all vote "gay-90s"? C'mon!

I am not sure if I am going to use the disguise yet... You be the judge.*

*votes are subject to being ignored.

Two Random Thoughts

2007-09-08T16:41:00.001-04:00

For some reason I want to argue two points that are completely unrelated, and really have no bearing on the world. If anyone wants to play point v. counterpoint here, I encourage it...

First: The bowl is superior to the plate.

I have no idea why we eat off of plates as much as we do. Bowls have walls, so less food is lost to the table, ground, and lap. Bowls can hold liquids, plates cannot. Bowls allow you to stack your food vertically, plates do not (safely).

Second: It's better to take out old library books than buy new ones.

Old library books are full of cool surprises. Sometimes you find love notes that were inadvertently left inside their pages, other times you find random lists of chores-- either way it is interesting. More importantly, old books often contain notes and highlights that tell you exactly where the important passages are. It saves you the effort of having to closely read a text if someone has already highlighted the key passages. Finally, they look more regal. Old hardcover books make you look like a distinguished gentleman, even if you only wear cargo shorts and flip flops. Also, according to a friend, they smell deliciously of sweat. I do not back this particular charge, but nonetheless, he is right about them having their own character and personalities in a way that new books do not.

Back to the blog

2007-09-08T16:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, I have neglected ye' long enough...

Going to drop a few blogs today. For instance, I found that The New Sun Blog is featured on Technocrati.com! What is Technocrati? I have no idea, I only googled "The New Sun" and it came up. Just like I google my own name from time to time to see what my brethren are up to...
Anyhow, according to Technocrati , this blog is rated 2,585,283. So thank you all for your kind support. People always told me I would never make something out of myself, but now I can point to my blog rank, and show them who the real loser is.

Another interesting stat is that my blog is given an authority level of 2. I have no idea how they determine authority, but I am a bit offended by this low mark. My friend's blog "End the Cola Wars" has an authority of "10." Thus, I am a fifth as authoritative as him, despite my firm belief that I could beat him in a street fight.

Furthermore, I haven't posted the video of my eye getting lasered because the video is a whopping 500 megs and I am working on getting it converted. So you will all have to be patient.

Also-- anyone excited about the free UFC fight on spiketv tonight? Rampage Jackson is defending his belt against... some other guy. I don't really care who, I just like to watch guys punch each other.

Writing Again

2007-09-05T22:23:00.000-04:00

My eyes are healing up nicely. I wrote some stand-up with my buddy Kern last night. I thought it was hilarious, but that seems to be subjective.

All the Ghost-authors are truly living up to their reputations-- no posts. Alas, I will get the ball rolling here shortly. I want to post my eye surgery exclusive video! Hooray!

Also, I have to make a small presentation on Federalism for my graduate class next Tuesday. Anyone? Federalism? Care to Wiki that for me?

Can I wing it? It's just Federal Government balancing with State Power right? National and regional interests intersecting in a complex see-saw that confuses normal people?

Okay time to put goo in my eye.

Blog Authors

2007-09-03T14:39:00.001-04:00

A few more blog authors may be joining the blog soon...

I am still recovering from laser eye surgery so I can't stay on the computer long... it gives me double vision. More posts coming soon!

I am alive

2007-09-02T10:34:00.000-04:00

I survived the surgery! Thank you all for thAt single
generous phone call I received, I'm doing ok. I have full video of the surgery for those of you with strong stomaches.

Washington

2007-08-30T10:49:00.000-04:00

Is there any chance that anyone hasn't seen this yet?

This is in the off chance that you haven't. Also, it's always good for a review.

definitely not safe for work..

Craig's State

2007-08-30T10:37:00.000-04:00

I know you're all wondering if Craig's alright -- whether he'll be resigned to a seeing eye dog for the rest of his life, or if he can see you right now. Well, I have to admit that I have no idea. See, I do care, but I had to move my girlfriends crap out of her old apartment with her last night, and then i had to do some celebratory drinking. I'm sure he'll appreciate our calls -- I plan on contact later this evening. Who's with me!

You son of a....

2007-08-29T09:27:00.000-04:00

Why oh why did I have to read your first post before I left for the surgery....

Photorefractive Keratectomy

2007-08-29T08:45:00.000-04:00

Hi!

Craig should be well under the photonic "knife" by now. In his honor, and for lack of something better to discuss (how do you follow such impeccable journalism as "Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!"?), I think I'll dwell on the PRK eye surgery procedure.

In short, a doctor shoots a laser into your eye and burns stuff away which then heals in a fashion more amenable to actually seeing. The coolest part of this operation is the way in which the laser removes pieces of the cornea. First of all, who knows what laser stands for? That's right! Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation! I'll skip over the various wonders of lasers, and the semiconductor glory that quantum theory has revealed (which, as a semiconductor engineer is.. difficult..), and get straight to the corneal ablation.
The ultraviolet laser excites tissue and fluid packets in the cornea, heating the material to the point where it literally explodes off the surface of Craig's eye, albeit at a very small scale. Totally awesome.
Incidentally, the ablation process is the basis for an experimental armor set for tanks and other large military things. When an incoming projectile is detected, the armor literally explodes, or ablates, which ideally deflects or prematurely detonates whatever triggered the response. I have a proposal for the inevitable warning sign: "no sudden movements"?

Owen Wilson Suicide Attempt!

2007-08-29T00:12:00.000-04:00

The rumors are true: the "Butterscotch Stallion" tried to commit suicide!

How is it possible that a man like Owen Wilson, whose charms, money, and fame could land him any woman in the world, is depressed enough to commit suicide? Is it his nose? If you said his nose, okay, maybe that is reason enough...

But lets forget his squiggly schnoz for a minute and re-pose the question: what does it take for a man to be happy?

All

2007-08-28T19:15:00.000-04:00

I decided to add my good buddy Marsh as a co-author of "The New Sun." Marsh will be great addition to the blog, I am sure. I only ask that you not find him more amusing than myself...

Tomorrow I get put down by the laser... so be kind to him while I am gone.

There is also a mystery author who may join the blog eventually. We will see.

PRK Lasik Surgery

2007-08-27T17:52:00.000-04:00

Daily Readers:

I am fast approaching my PRK eye surgery date. Unfortunately, once my eyes go under the laser I will be forced to do nothing but sleep for approximately a week. This means I probably won't update my page until after Labor day. I know this may come as a great inconvenience to those of you with boring jobs-- but hopefully my amazing new eyesight will make for amazing new posts when I am back on my feet.

Anticipating my surgery, my parents came down to DC with their two pugs. Nothing emasculates a man faster than having to walk three Pugs four times a day. The whole "toy" dog breed is magnified exponentially when you have a throng of Pugs around you. My apartment is a sea of panting, eyes, and wrinkles.

I have prepared sunglasses, books on tape, and music for the occasion. But the idea of risking my eyes is a bit unnerving... and I am getting more nervous as the time approaches...

I will catch you all on the flip-side.

Movie Review: Brick

2007-08-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

Film Noir, like SciFi, is a fantastically under-appreciated genre. Tonight I watched an excellent noir film entitled "Brick."

The film begins with Brendon, a high school loner who is trying to track down the killer of his ex-girlfriend. I really enjoyed the cinematography of the film, which somehow elevates high school drama to previously untold heights. Each clique has its own unique vision, complex motivations, and secrets. Brendon, the protagonist, is forced to push his way into these bizarre worlds in an attempt to uncover the truth.

On top of great cinematography, the film has a unique dialogue of slang. The writers created a very stylish suburban dialect, like a white Ebonics . Although I guessed many of the twists before they were sprung, it was an excellent production, worthy of my recommendation.

Catch the Trailer here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393109/trailers-screenplay-E28243-10-2

Grade: B+

iPhone post!!

2007-08-24T22:02:00.000-04:00

first iphone post! Yay!

Top Gun Support Group

2007-08-24T09:02:00.000-04:00

top gun support group

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Maybe I should stop singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" as an introduction.... Nah!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

2007-08-23T23:29:00.001-04:00

I bought an iPhone 30 hours ago, and I still haven't been able to activate. Urge to kill rising... rising...

Will update when mood improves.

iCaved

2007-08-22T18:06:00.000-04:00

The commercials were too powerful... The song too catchy... and the device too cool...

Today iCAVED and bought the iPHONE. Now I can blog from the road! hooray, we all win!

Speaking of indulgences that sound like the letter "i," I booked myself for laser eye surgery next week. Unfortunately, it is PRK surgery, which requires a much longer recovery time. I have to take a week off from work to sleep and suffer in pain, and I am not allowed to do physical activity for 2 weeks afterward! With PRK they actually reshape your cornea (hooray!) which takes a much longer to heal.

I have decided to put my faith in the power of science... and I am excited just to sleep a lot.

Mustache Update

2007-08-22T18:04:00.001-04:00

I am getting a lot of great mustache suggestions... (http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/ - thanks Marsh)

unfortunately, the gay 90s mustache is tied for the lead. Please defend my honor and vote!

Puerto Rico

2007-08-21T21:55:00.001-04:00

Puerto Rico was a great trip. We stayed at the luxurious Ritz Carlton which had its own private beach. The ocean was warm, the people were friendly, and best of all the pool area had a bunch of stone lions.

One of the few complaints I have about the Ritz Carlton was the poolside bar. Somehow they positioned it such that the sand was constantly attacking me. The first afternoon we had lunch at the poolside bar, and sand kept blowing onto my $18 grilled cheese. Furthermore, there was a beach shower-head located directly up wind from our table. We didn't notice this until we felt a fine mist. Unfortunately, it wasn't just water hitting us, it was water ricocheting off an old man in a Speedo.

Although we were in one of the better parts of San Juan, there was a Cockfighting Coliseum just a block away from our hotel. This excited me. Whenever I am at an improv show and they ask for a suggestion, I always yell "cockfight!" (At DC's Improvapalooza, this suggestion turned out to be a hilarious double-entendre because the two actors on stage had been playing flagrantly gay characters when I yelled it from the crowd). The Cockfighting Arena was actually very classy from the outside, and I admit, against my better judgment that I was a little intrigued.

I would never condone animal abuse. But what if two cocks just happen to start fighting of their own free-will, who am I to intervene? Who am I to thwart nature? Who am I to deny a friendly wager from a mere passer-by? No... I didn't bet on any fights... but I did meet Michael Vick.

Mustache Poll Update:

2007-08-21T19:45:00.000-04:00

Twenty-four hours of the Mustache Poll are almost behind us...

...And there is an even split in votes. This is NOT helpful. Those of you who have not voted need to kick-in and break the tie.

Mustache Poll

2007-08-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

The great mustache-off is on! I need you guys to tell me what mustache looks funniest. I am going to start a mustache poll shortly. Here are the pictures!

Gambler Mustache:

Chinese Mustache:

Colonel Mustache:

Spanish Mustache:

Mustache Search

2007-08-20T23:14:00.000-04:00

I have decided that the best way for me to do stand-up is with a slight disguise. One of the key components of this disguise is a mustache. Thus, I began searching for the perfect mustache today.

My search for the perfect mustache brought me to a website that had approximately 10 dozen different mustaches- a virtual candy shop of facial hair. On the name alone, I was intrigued by the "gay 90s mustache." I lived through the 90s, and although I am not gay, I did not know that there was a particular decade-defining homosexual-upper-lip-accoutrement until I stumbled upon this costume website that states it in a brazen, callous, and utterly undeniable manner. It must be true.

I don't think this is the mustache for me... but I haven't made any final decisions....

Improv

2007-08-20T22:48:00.000-04:00

I had a great scene at Improv tonight.

I played the obnoxious Bodybuilder who would not let the sweet older gym-owner lock up for the night.

Choice line:
-"It's getting late, and I really need to pick up my kids..."
"My pythons will 'ding' when it's time to go home."

Also funny: the loudest grunt ever heard by man as I did a military press.

The Problem with Building too Many Houses

2007-08-20T22:38:00.000-04:00

I visited a friend's new home in Tampa last weekend.

The place was beautiful but it had one of those weird half-way addresses. I had to follow directions to 1500 and a half Oak St. How degrading is it to be denied a whole number? I could see if you were a mouse, living in a wall between two real addresses, 1500 and a half would make sense.

But what happens to my friend if they add another house between him and his neighbor? Does he become 1500.3333333? Or worse, what if they turn it into a circular culdesac, and his address becomes a random sequence, like 3.1248...

What to do when...

2007-08-19T21:40:00.001-04:00

Today a beggar asked me for money.

I kindly slowed down and explained to him that I already give to charity in the form of computer-idle-time cancer research.

I described how when I’m not using my computer, a screen-saver-like program auto-loads after a user-programmed period of time and connects to master server via the internet -- which for me is a high-speed cable connection-- to link up with other computers across the country in a giant hive-mind network to compute complex mathematical formulas that aid scientists at UC Berkeley understand cancer cell growth.

I further explained that I am often unaware of the good deeds I do, because I generally forget to turn my off my computer. After I finished, I was filled with warmth when I saw a deep appreciation develop in the homeless man's eyes, like sharp daggers of compassion, and the unabashed joy manifest in his clenched teeth and fists.

Seeing his jovial mood I couldn't help but joke that I should be asking him for money to buy me a new laptop.

Back in DC

2007-08-19T21:38:00.001-04:00

Just got home from 10 days of travel... hopefully I didn't lose all of my readers in the process. I plan to continue my daily updates now that I am back. I will try and post pictures of Puerto Rico and Florida soon.

Myspace Stalker who isn't Me.

2007-08-17T01:42:00.000-04:00

About a week ago, I received a very unusual email on myspace.com. A stranger who went to Cornell sent me an email professing his love for this girl I barely know on myspace. The three-page email is a virtual stalker's manifesto of why this "nice guy" (his words) would be great for her.

Here are some snippets:

"I need your help. I'm John (name changed to protect identity of stalker), a really great straight single guy, fun and outgoing guy, and I believe I am a great date."

---Talk about a great intro...

"No worries, it's not you I'm trying to pick up... I try to treat women well, with respect, and sometimes I try really hard to date the one I want to date, but it's not been easy for me to ask her out when I've met her online."

---I admit to being a little hurt at this point. I thought he was my stalker.

"Some guys can understand, how it's not always easy to ask a woman of your dreams out, whereas others are really good at it. I am asking for your help if you can help me with a woman who I have been friends with online for 3 years (time flies), and she is on your Myspace friends list. Her name is Jane (name changed to protect the innocent), she's a great woman, and I believe that she is very capable of going on a date with me and able to set aside the time for a successful, smart, hardworking man who is interested in dating her."

---I am completely sympathetic

Admittedly so, I have asked her out previously, but have not successfully had the opportunity to date her. I've sent her emails and try to let her know that I'm a great guy to date, that I like to have fun, and I offered to take her to concerts, a cup of coffee, and more. I'm confident I can date her, and my goal is to date her successfully, as I really liked her as a person, her confidence, her belief in me as a person, and thought she would be a fun person to date.

---Alarm Bells!

----

What boggles me the most is that I barely know this girl-- and I am just one of 400 friends on her profile. I can't imagine that this guy actually canvassed her entire friends list with this ridiculously long email-- but if he did, and he is serious-- it is possibly the saddest display of stalkerdom, since my blog post in July, explaining my own myspace accident.

In Puerto Rico

2007-08-13T22:09:00.000-04:00

Arrived in Puerto Rico today. It is beautiful here. The sand here is so fine that the wind blew it straight into my face, drink, and lunch all afternoon.

I will try to find time to make some posts this week, but it isn't a promise. For some reason my blog is all in spanish down here, it's a bit crazy.

Allegedly there is some irridescent algae that glows at night time. Hopefully I will get some good pictures for everyone before the trip ends...

Minesweeper

2007-08-11T20:47:00.001-04:00

It is not my intention to post a ton of videos... but this one is just too hilarious.

Via: VideoSift

Flight of the Conchords

2007-08-11T20:22:00.001-04:00

Arrived in NYC about 2 hours ago. Met a nice lady on the bus who told me why I should be watching "Flight of the Conchords." Perhaps she is right, the clips I found were funny. Also, anyone in NY available for dinner?

The fabulous wealth of a website blogger...

2007-08-11T00:21:00.001-04:00

Many of you have sent me emails and comments over the last few weeks asking how much do I get paid to blog. Rather than answer you each individually, with a nice personal touch, I have opted to just post the results of three weeks of running a blog.

First, as an overview, the website has 403 Page impressions. I don't know what that means, but i think it implies the total amount of times my page has been loaded (not to be confused with unique people coming to see my blog). The total number of unique visitors (218-- "unique "begins anew each day) is tallied at the bottom of my page. This means I visit my page twice as much as everyone else combined.

Of those of you who visit, two of you have clicked on the advertisements. This generated 27 cents. One person searched on the google bar at the bottom of my page, but they did not click the advertiser link (no moolah). Four people clicked on the Google pack link, but did not actually download it (nada).

So in total: $0.27 + $0 + $0 = $0.27

Divide by three weeks at about an hour or two a day and essentially I am getting paid about half a cent an hour. But I do it for the love... obviously.

Too... late... to.... post...

2007-08-11T00:08:00.000-04:00

No explanation necessary... or possible.

Thanks to Marsh...